IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Art classes, like painting and drawing are as important as other subjects, so they should be compulsory subject in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #classes #subjects #school
It is true that
art
classes
 have positive effects on young
adults
, and they are significant in relation to
children
’s education.
While
 I cannot agree that these subjects should be mandatory in schooling systems.
Art
classes
,
such
 as painting and drawing, are considerably seen as a means of both educational and entertaining functions. Research shows that those
children
 who are keen on drawing have more creativity, imagination and critical thinking assets than other
children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because drawing is essentially a connection of mind and sense, through which young
adults
 are able to stimulate and enhance their potential of perceiving the world. Young
adults
 should realize that
art
classes
 benefit
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with necessary characteristics that are useful in the job market.
In addition
 to that, there is no doubt that
art
 subjects are catchy and fun.
Children
 can obviously let go
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 their stress by drawing, most people would
therefore
 consider
art
 as a universal leisure activity without any technique demanding.
However
, young
adults
 should not be forced to attend any
classes
 even though they are undoubtedly beneficial. Negative consequences would definitely appear if
art
classes
 became compulsory.
Firstly
,
children
 would no longer feel that their free will was respected, especially for those who did not ever show interest in
art
. In turn, there may be resentment among
children
 and schools.
Secondly
, given that
children
 are already under the pressure of homework and plenty of revisions, compulsory
art
classes
 can only be the downside that worsens the development of young
adults
’welfare, because none of them would voluntarily participate
another
Change preposition
in another
show examples
 class with great enjoyment, regardless of
such
 a heavy load of academic assignments, not even
art
 class. In conclusion,
art
classes
 should never be mandatory courses, even though
art
 is dramatically beneficial for all
children
.
Submitted by zhdw0719 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While your essay presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more explicit engagement with the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement. Providing a balanced discussion with specific examples will create a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, your essay displays a good logical structure with an introduction and conclusion present. However, it could be enhanced by linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs and within them. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can make the progression of your argument clearer.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: