Some health professionals suggest that older people spend more time socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy, but many retired people have experienced loneliness and a lack of fitness. Why has this happened? What can be done to address this?

#health #professionals #people #time #sports #loneliness #lack #fitness #address

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the contemporary

era

Add a comma

,era

show examples

a medicine is

evaluating

Wrong verb form

evaluated

show examples

with light speed, which means that geriatrics have more opportunities to enjoy

retire

Change the form of the verb

retired

show examples

life

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, there are numerous provokers for living unhappy golden age and many solutions can be deduced by

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

and society. The causes of

this

Linking Words

appear to be focused on two areas, and a number of remedies

also

Linking Words

appear to be possible. Perhaps one of the causes of the problem is that modern people tend to overwork by

motivation

Add an article

the motivation

show examples

of getting an excessive amount of money to live

its

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

entire

life

Use synonyms

by using them, meaning that from dust till dawn they obsessed only with work and career ladder movement, and forget to enjoy

life

Use synonyms

at the moment.

For example

Linking Words

, my neighbour was

hard working

Add a hyphen

hard-working

show examples

, and never had time for friends, children and hobbies.

This

Linking Words

pattern appears to be global, with the result that now she

is not have

Change the verb form

does not have

show examples

any friends with whom she can pass

enjoyable

Add an article

the enjoyable

show examples

time, her children living their own

life

Use synonyms

and visiting her once a year

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they do not feel that they have strong family bonds with her,

consequently

Linking Words

, she is depressed and lonely.

Moreover

Linking Words

, another issue is that inflation on services and goods is not allowing pensioners to live happily, because pensions size enough only for cheap groceries and utilities.

For instance

Linking Words

, a size of monthly payment for my grandmother is 60 000 tenge,

where

Correct word choice

whereas

show examples

only standard

package

Fix the agreement mistake

packages

show examples

for groceries from Magnum will cost at least 40 000

tenge

Change to a plural noun

tenges

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

, she cannot afford to go out for dinner with friends in restaurants or enjoy the sea breeze overseas. Regarding potential solutions, probably the immediate step would be proper financing from the government.

This

Linking Words

could be done

through

Change preposition

show examples

increasing the

amount

Change the quantifier

number

show examples

of payments to cure

this

Linking Words

problem.

This

Linking Words

result

Correct your spelling

inability

show examples

ability

Add an article

the ability

show examples

to enjoy the rest of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

Use synonyms

for old-age pensioners.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, another possible remedy may be agitation from information

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

, where people will get

knowledge

Add an article

the knowledge

show examples

that they have to live now, because tomorrow will not be, and yesterday cannot be changed. In conclusion, the main problems with loneliness and depression are the financing of wrinklies and

pursue

Replace the word

pursuit

show examples

to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rich, and these can be solved through the successful financing plan from politicians along with healthy

life

Use synonyms

propaganda from

media

Correct article usage

the media

show examples

Submitted by sabina.tazhibeko on Fri Nov 19 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

376 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Some people think the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Each government and authority gave funding to the art society; however, some people including me are strongly of the opinion that this is a type of money money and is not a profitable action that all social classes can use.
5.5
band
Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
The mitigation of crime rates is becoming a controversial issue, considering its sudden surge worldwide. Numerous people believe that long-term imprisonment is a wise way to tackle crime. Whereas, others Advocate that there are many more alternative ways to handle crime than longer prison sentences,. This essay will discuss both perspectives, before offering a conclusion. However, I am in solidarity with the latter view.
5.5
band
Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is ongoing discourse on whether accepting situation is best or not even if the situation can’t find genuine satisfaction. Some people might believe that accepting a bad situation is necessary; however, I firmly believe that it is crucial to improve such situation if individuals have compraint.
5.5
band
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree Discuss both views and give you opinion
Job searching is a very tough task. A jobless person suffers a lot of difficulties in doing so. And if you are not a qualified person then there would be no chance for you to get a desired job.
5
band
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compusory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Handful of people think that volunteering activities are very necessary for the students, especially those who are now in highschool. And I strongly agree that these programmes will help students to develop their physical health, mental health and also increase the opportunities to have a career in the future. First of all, when students take part in unpaid community service they can enhance their social skills such as communication skills and also relationships. It also means that they will be more self-confident to interact with others and gain life satisfaction which they can not have if they are at school or home. For example, nowadays, Vietnamese students tend to participate in some clubs so they can gain more soft skills and life experiences. In addition, when unpaid community service becomes a compulsory part in school programmes, this will allow students to reduce stress after school. Because this day, students have to learn a lot of things not just at school but also in som...

Some health professionals suggest that older people spend more time socializing with others and playing sports to stay healthy, but many retired people have experienced loneliness and a lack of fitness. Why has this happened? What can be done to address this?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree Discuss both views and give you opinion

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compusory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree.