IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sport facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sport #facilities #centers #people #time
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A wide range of
people
Use synonyms
 believes that once planners opt to design a city, much more attention should be paid to park or
sport
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facilities
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, while others think differently; they explain that
malls
Use synonyms
 are more vital than public
parks
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. I assume in order to have a better city, building
parks
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 or
sport
Use synonyms
facilities
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 play a vital role in helping residents. In my opinion,
parks
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 or
sport
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facilities
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 bring a sense of tranquillity for all citizens.
This
Linking Words
 is due to the fact that
parks
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 or
sport
Use synonyms
facilities
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 provide an appropriate place so as to refill the residents’ energy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children who live in places within walking distance of
parks
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 or
sport
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facilities
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 are more likely to make friends and, in turn, they have better communication skills.
Also
Linking Words
, youngsters turn up in sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 to get in shape.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy has increased in those areas. In Japan,
for instance
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, many
parks
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 will be planned to build prior to making a decision to create a city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other groups claim that
malls
Use synonyms
 are of paramount importance in any society. They insist that
malls
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 consist of different parts which help
people
Use synonyms
 to benefit from different
facilities
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;
such
Linking Words
 as playgrounds and food courts etc.
however
Linking Words
 I do not find
this
Linking Words
 argument convincing as when
people
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 go to the mall, they are bombarded by lots of advertisements to encourage them to purchase more items.
Thus
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumerism idea is spread in society.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 spent lots of hours visiting
malls
Use synonyms
 which leaves them with little time to observe life around them. In conclusion, there are some advantages to building
malls
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, building
parks
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 and sports
facilities
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 are more crucial. Not only do
parks
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 help
people
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 to gather with family but
also
Linking Words
,
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to get in shape.
Submitted by bamdad.aminzadeh on

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