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Band 6.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
Individuals generally commemorate the
festivals
 for entertainment purposes, but they do not have any knowledge regarding their traditional
as well as
 religious significance. I totally agree with
this
 testimonial because they do not inherit good relations with their elders, and they are affected by Western culture as well. The primary reason is that every human being has a very hectic schedule nowadays,
due to
 which they do not have any spare time to spend with their grandparents to gain any kind of historical information. Teenagers are busy with their studies
whereas
 adults are busy with their office tasks.
Thus
, they celebrate their religious ceremonies as a source of entertainment by gathering with all the near and dear ones.
For example
, Diwali the most famous festival of Indian
people
 is now celebrated as a festival to relax the mind by burning crackers and eating sweets, without knowing about its religious
importance
 related to Guru Teg Bahadur ji. Another pivotal extrapolation to support the view is some
people
 are running after the Western culture and forgetting their traditional
festivals
.
Due to
 the migration of masses among the different nations, the religious
importance
 of certain cultures is losing its significance because they celebrate those
festivals
 just for fun neither they have any information related to their religious
importance
 nor do they have enough knowledge about their ancestorial
festivals
.
For instance
, Christmas and easter are celebrated by 70 per cent of Indian
people
 residing in Canada and America, but in reality, they do not know why they celebrate these. Except for enjoyment purposes.
To conclude
, the religious
importance
 of celebrating
festivals
 among
people
 is reducing consistently
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of conversation with elderly
people
along with
 the impact of Western culture on
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 minds.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
Develop your main points with more in-depth analysis and a wider range of examples. This adds richness to your argument and helps provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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