IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #festivals #periods
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Individuals generally commemorate the
festivals
Use synonyms
 for entertainment purposes, but they do not have any knowledge regarding their traditional
as well as
Linking Words
 religious significance. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 testimonial because they do not inherit good relations with their elders, and they are affected by Western culture as well. The primary reason is that every human being has a very hectic schedule nowadays,
due to
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 which they do not have any spare time to spend with their grandparents to gain any kind of historical information. Teenagers are busy with their studies
whereas
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 adults are busy with their office tasks.
Thus
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, they celebrate their religious ceremonies as a source of entertainment by gathering with all the near and dear ones.
For example
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, Diwali the most famous festival of Indian
people
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 is now celebrated as a festival to relax the mind by burning crackers and eating sweets, without knowing about its religious
importance
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 related to Guru Teg Bahadur ji. Another pivotal extrapolation to support the view is some
people
Use synonyms
 are running after the Western culture and forgetting their traditional
festivals
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.
Due to
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 the migration of masses among the different nations, the religious
importance
Use synonyms
 of certain cultures is losing its significance because they celebrate those
festivals
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 just for fun neither they have any information related to their religious
importance
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 nor do they have enough knowledge about their ancestorial
festivals
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.
For instance
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, Christmas and easter are celebrated by 70 per cent of Indian
people
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 residing in Canada and America, but in reality, they do not know why they celebrate these. Except for enjoyment purposes.
To conclude
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, the religious
importance
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 of celebrating
festivals
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 among
people
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 is reducing consistently
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of conversation with elderly
people
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along with
Linking Words
 the impact of Western culture on
youngsters
Change noun form
youngsters'
youngster's
show examples
 minds.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should explore a specific aspect of the topic, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more in-depth analysis and a wider range of examples. This adds richness to your argument and helps provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. This can improve the overall readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses the question throughout, ensuring that every paragraph contributes to your overall argument. It's important that your viewpoint on the given statement is clear and consistent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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