IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some high schools, part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children benefit from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

#schools #part #curriculum #students #community #work #children #benefit
Providing knowledge to
students
 on how to take
care
 of those with disabilities and the elderly is vital. It is extremely important to provide education that old age and disability and not one's making, disability can be encountered by anyone anywhere, and old is a natural process that should be embraced by all.
Therefore
 it is quite beneficial for
students
 to acquire the necessary knowledge and skills through
community
work
 as discussed below.
To begin
 with, engaging high school
students
 in
community
work
such
 as
care
 of the elderly and disabled will enable them to gain an understanding of their society and as
such
Add a comma
,such
show examples
 they will be able to know how to address the needs of the
community
. These
students
 will grow up with good moral standards and
consequently
 the cost involved in taking
care
 of the aged and disabled will be evaded.
In addition
, being cared for by people from your
community
 encourages participation of the elderly and disabled which will help improve their health
hence
 increasing life expectancy. I strongly agree with the fact that participation in
community
work
 should be included in the curriculum because
this
 will enhance the
students
 understanding of their
community
, know the needs of different groups of people and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
this
 will help them to embrace each member of the society and lower the chances of neglect of their own parents in the future. In conclusion, the inclusion of
community
work
 in the curriculum should be welcomed and both teachers and
students
 are to be encouraged to take the course seriously just like other subjects being taught. The education sector should consider introducing
this
 early in the curriculum so that by completion of high school the
students
 will have embraced the virtue of love and
care
 of the elderly and the disabled.
Submitted by slilian82 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: