IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. what are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

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These days, a lot of
cities
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 suffer from overcrowded
areas
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due to
Linking Words
 the density of people. There are reasons that resulted in
this
Linking Words
 problem but
also
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 solutions that can be integrated to ensure that overpopulated
areas
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 can be reduced. One of the reasons that causes overpopulation in busy urban
areas
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, relies on the lack of space in the city to build less densely.
Cities
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 were built in the past without the thought of having to house a large population in the future in a small space.
Moreover
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, a lot of families move to urban places to have easy access to school, work, and other entertaining activities in the area.
Life
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 in the suburbs is less likely to fit the social
life
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 of a child.
Likewise
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, parents prefer to move to
cities
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 to get a better chance of having a job.
Thus
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, the search for a better
life
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 and the lack of space are the causes of overpopulation. To ensure that
cities
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 can control the overpopulated
areas
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, it is necessary to consider expanding outside the surroundings of these
cities
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. When buildings appear on the fence of the city, including all the important functions and basic necessities
such
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 as supermarkets, parks, schools and hospitals, people will start moving to more peaceful
areas
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.
Furthermore
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, making these new places more affordable to different groups, will attract people to move away from urban
life
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. Balancing both the needs and the housing prices outside urban
areas
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 is effective in addressing overpopulation. In conclusion, the attractiveness of
cities
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 and the search for a better
life
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 are the causes of the density. To reduce
this
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, it is important to enlarge the surrounding
areas
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 with the necessities for an affordable price.

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task achievement
For task achievement, try to include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument and make it more relatable.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the logical structure and flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay, contributing positively to the coherence and cohesion score.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the causes and solutions to overpopulation, showing strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported and logical, contributing to the overall readability and persuasive effect.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
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