Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide sport competition. Others argue that it would be better if these countries can spend the money on children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #amount #money #competitors #part #sport #competition #children #sports

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Sports

has been a debatable perspective in

this

day and age. While some people assume that it is of the tremendous benefit of investing in encouraging national competitors to participate in international competitions, others think that it is of importance to allocate money to

children

to attend

sports

. From my point of view, both

children

and professional athletes should receive an equal investment. On the one hand, having attendants at cross-bordered competitions can have great

impacts

Fix the agreement mistake

impact

show examples

on a country’s economy. Since these games are held worldwide, which means they have influences on a mass scale, by gaining triumph, the image of them as well as the country they represent is dispersed widely among people from all over the world, attracting a wealth of foreign investors.

For example

, a large amount of money has been injected into Vietnam by Korean sponsors since Vietnam’s national football team attained silver medals in the AFC cup.

Therefore

, it is of the essence to have citizens, who are on behalf of their country, taking part in international

sports

contests.

On the other hand

, the government should

also

concentrate on developing

sports

internal infrastructures to draw more teenagers playing

sports

as it is crucial for the growth of a nation. Since

children

this

digital age spend 5-6 hours a day

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching tv, they are prone to suffer from some diseases

such

as cancers, which deters them from fully joint labour markets in the future and can become a burden for society.

In contrast

, if they engage in

sports

activities, they may potentially grow with strong health to accomplish their jobs and contribute to the national economy.

Hence

, funding

sports

to kindle youngsters’ interest in

sports

might bring a myriad of advantages for a nation. To sum up, it is indisputable that authorities should financially assist

sports

players to

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

in worldwide contests since they can attract a lot of sponsors.

Nevertheless

, they should

also

take care of residents’ health by funding

sports

for

children

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Mon Nov 22 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

330 words

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