Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, ans what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #ans #measures

It is a serious social issue that the number of criminals who commit

crimes

again after their

first

punishment

is increasing. In

this

essay, I will explain

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

why prisoners do an illegal

act

Fix the agreement mistake

acts

show examples

and how

this

problem can be solved. Clearly, there are numerous factors why offenders commit more

crimes

after going to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prison.

Firstly

, it happens because of a bold feeling. Most criminals feel

daring

Add the comma(s)

,daring

show examples

not scary after severing their

first

punishment

because they think that it

Correct your spelling

does

show examples

dose

Correct your spelling

does

show examples

not matter to live in a prison.

Secondly

, the

first

punishment

makes

this

matter serious.

For example

, in South Korea, if a drinker commits

Add an article

an offense

the offense

show examples

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

, a judge reduces

Correct article usage

the

show examples

level of

punishment

because of a possibility of a mistake.

Thus

this

circumstance makes people think it is fine to do a criminal act once.

Therefore

, the government should tackle

this

terrible cycle. Most offenders commit

crimes

about

the

Correct article usage

show examples

lack of money. To reduce

this

crime, the government should provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial assistance for many low-income families.

Furthermore

, it needs to increase

Correct article usage

the

show examples

level of

punishment

for a

first

criminal. To prevent more

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

, the law should strengthen and it is important to punish rather than give a penalty. In conclusion, there are enormous criminals who commit

crimes

such

as stealing,

sex-offense

Correct your spelling

sex offense

show examples

, murder and so on. They may do it again because of bolding and the

first

light

punishment

Thus

, the government assist low-income individuals and families.

Besides

, the level of

punishment

for a

first

offender would

raises

Change the verb form

raise

show examples

Submitted by hongpepe124 on Tue Nov 23 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

248 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, ans what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people reduce stress.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

University students should be required to attend classes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Freshwater is a limited resource in certain regions of the world. Today, the escalating demand has transformed it into a global problem. What are the causes of increasing demand? What measures can governments and individuals take to respond to the problem?