Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, ans what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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It is a serious social issue that the number of criminals who commit

crimes

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again after their

Linking Words

first

Use synonyms

punishment

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is increasing. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

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why prisoners do an illegal

act

Fix the agreement mistake

acts

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and how

this

Linking Words

problem can be solved. Clearly, there are numerous factors why offenders commit more

crimes

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after going to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

prison.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it happens because of a bold feeling. Most criminals feel

daring

Add the comma(s)

,daring

show examples

not scary after severing their

Linking Words

first

Use synonyms

punishment

Use synonyms

because they think that it

Correct your spelling

does

show examples

dose

Correct your spelling

does

show examples

not matter to live in a prison.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

Linking Words

first

Use synonyms

punishment

Use synonyms

makes

this

Linking Words

matter serious.

For example

Linking Words

, in South Korea, if a drinker commits

Add an article

an offense

the offense

show examples

offense

Change the spelling

offence

show examples

, a judge reduces

Correct article usage

the

show examples

level of

punishment

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because of a possibility of a mistake.

Thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

circumstance makes people think it is fine to do a criminal act once.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the government should tackle

this

Linking Words

terrible cycle. Most offenders commit

crimes

Use synonyms

about

the

Correct article usage

show examples

lack of money. To reduce

this

Linking Words

crime, the government should provide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial assistance for many low-income families.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it needs to increase

Correct article usage

the

show examples

level of

punishment

Use synonyms

for a

Linking Words

first

Use synonyms

criminal. To prevent more

offenses

Change the spelling

offences

show examples

, the law should strengthen and it is important to punish rather than give a penalty. In conclusion, there are enormous criminals who commit

crimes

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such

Linking Words

as stealing,

sex-offense

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sex offense

show examples

, murder and so on. They may do it again because of bolding and the

Linking Words

first

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light

punishment

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, the government assist low-income individuals and families.

Besides

Linking Words

, the level of

punishment

Use synonyms

for a

Linking Words

first

Use synonyms

offender would

raises

Change the verb form

raise

show examples

hongpepe124Tue Nov 23 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

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Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, ans what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can be better for their overall skills development and creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

-Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.