In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Industrialization has caused drastic changes in society. One of the notable effects is the fact that
people
from the countryside are moving to big cities, which leads to a decrease in the rural population. In my opinion, the benefits of this
development outweigh the drawbacks due to
two main reasons.
First,
this
is an effective population redistribution process as the response to the modifications in career demands. The advances in the modern era led to the automation of jobs in the fields. As an example, the sowing and seed planting tasks have been carried out by modern machines on various farms. As a consequence
, the requirement for manpower in rural areas is diminishing. In contrast
, more and more economic centres have appeared in recent years, which creates thousands of job opportunities for immigrants. Therefore
, rural people
moving to urban areas is in fact an obvious phenomenon to balance the job market. While
the production rate in agriculture domains are
unaffected thanks to automatic devices, the performance in developed towns is improved.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Second,
this
progress also
increases the overall
education level in the country. Due to
the lack of educational facilities, the majority of people
are illiterate. Cao Bang, for instance
, is an agricultural province where there are only two colleges and few
high schools. Correct article usage
a few
As a result
, the younger generation here consists of mostly uneducated people
, thugs and burglars. After people
moved to developed cities, the crime rate in the area dramatically decreased. On the other hand
, these civilians easily gained access to schools and some of them even came back to help their neighbors and relatives.
In conclusion, the migration to developed areas is a miracle that not only accelerates the development of the countries but also
creates more chances for people
to have better education and prosperous lives.Submitted by tranhuyhung1998 on
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task achievement
Ensure that both the benefits and drawbacks of rural to urban migration are fully addressed to provide a balanced argument as the essay leans predominantly towards the benefits.
task achievement
Expand your analysis by providing counterpoints to your arguments to enhance the depth of the discussion, as well as to acknowledge and refute potential opposing views.
task achievement
Work on providing more varied and precise examples that substantiate your points, contributing to a more persuasive argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay by using more diverse connecting words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, consider refining them to more explicitly state the essay's thesis and summarize the key points made.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have clear central ideas, which are expanded upon with supporting details to reinforce the argument.
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