IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Financial education should be a mandatory part of school education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, the knowledge of finance plays a vital role in every field whether it is for a career growth or doing a business.
Therefore
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, there are
such
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 people who beleive that the financial education should be a learnt
while
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 studying in the school. I partially agree with the given belief, and I will discuss both of the viewpoints in the following paragraphs. The first and foremost, if you are in your young age and understand about how
money
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 flows,
then
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 you may become successful in controlling your own
money
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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 skill can
also
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 help ones to secure a job by managing the accounts of any well-known organization.
For instance
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, in a recent survey, it has been stated that 90% Chartered Accountants are proficient in financing
while
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 they were in their secondary schools.
Furthermore
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, in the daily life of every individuals, budgeting plays an important part in saving
money
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.
Hence
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, it may help them to secure themselves from the unnecessary loans and random financial crisis.
Nevertheless
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, income management is a skill which can be developed by the citizens by their own when they are facing a real-life situation.
As a result
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, they have to take the practical decisions at the time. To exemplify, the enterpreneurs does not take any class in their school to become successful in their business, and in raising funds. They understand the problem and get the solution without any prior knowledge.
To conclude
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 everything that has been stated so far, though the
money
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 management is a skill which anyone can learn anytime, it is beneficial of every person if they learn it from their school.
This
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 can help them grow faster in their career and
also
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 in the economic-decision making.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but your reason is not fully clear in all parts.
task response
Add more clear support for each main point. Some ideas are good, but they need more detail and a fuller explanation.
task response
Use examples that sound more real and more direct. The survey about accountants is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, so use simple link words in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and then clear support.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which helps show balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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