Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Many

inividuals

Correct your spelling

individuals

hold the opinion that

music

Correct your spelling

an ideal way to connect with

people

of various backgrounds

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

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and

show examples

ages. From my point of view, I strongly

Correct your spelling

agree

show examples

a gree

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agree

show examples

with

this

statement. In the

follwing

Correct your spelling

following

paragraphs, the reasons to support my view will be outlined in detail. It is apparent that there is no language barrier when it comes to

music

. According to the popularity of K-Pop songs spread all over the world, there are many fans that listen and enjoy

these kind

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this kind

these kinds

show examples

song

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songs

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even they do not know the meaning of

lyrics

Correct article usage

the lyrics

show examples

. To

illustate

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illustrate

, the concert tickets of K-Pop groups

such

as Black pink and BTC are quickly sold out in many countries like the USA, Japan and Thailand which these countries

are not commonly use

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are not commonly using

are not commonly used

show examples

Korean

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the Korean

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language as their mother tongue. Apart from that, even though some of the classical

musics

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music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

only comes with just the sound of

music

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musical

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instruments, many

people

still realized the oneness of their feeling as they listen to it. Since every person can

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be related

show examples

Wrong verb form

relate

show examples

this

feeling, they can

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be related

relate

show examples

music

as well.

Moreover

music

is a part of family reunion's culture.

For example

, the festival that all family

member

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members

show examples

gatering

Correct your spelling

gathering

together like

new

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the new

show examples

year celebration, it is common in Thailand to

doing

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show examples

Karaoke after the special dinner.

In addition

, we usually use

music

before

start

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starting

show examples

any activities to break the ice among the

people

that meet each other

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

firt

Correct your spelling

first

time. If there is no

music

, it would be difficult for

people

of different age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

to connect together. In conclusion, there are many ways

are

Correct pronoun usage

that are

show examples

used to

bonding

Wrong verb form

bond

show examples

between

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

, I still believe that

music

is one of the most effective ways because it helps

people

forget their differences, and it

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

a binding force between the different

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

Submitted by tantika.l on Tue Nov 23 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

303 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

what are the main problems associated with the internet and what are the solutions?

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the advantages?

The popularity of online education has grown significantly in recent years. Do you think this positive or negative development?

People who have original ideas are of much greater value to society than those who are simply able to copy the ideas of others well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?