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Band 6

Internet access can be dangerous for minors. Do you agree or disagree?

#internet #access #minors
Internet
 utilization nowadays gives many good impacts for people
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. Meanwhile, there are some bad side effects of virtual access that can bring
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to dangerous situations. I completely agree with the statement,
however
,
this
 essay will
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 both points of view followed by reasons and examples. On the one hand,
internet
 usages for education, leisures and interests are the best ways to obtain knowledge for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 regardless of places and conditions.
For example
,
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 may explore
same
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the same
show examples
 kind of educational videos with people in developing countries,
such
 as India or Indonesia.
Furthermore
, there are some courses and
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 in music,
for example
, which contains with young ages for all around the world. Kids from several backgrounds are gathering to share
certain
Add an article
a certain
the certain
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hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 with one adult as their trainers.
Thus
,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 with friends from overseas can boost their enthusiasm because they may gain
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 "how people live on
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side of
world
Add an article
the world
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".
On the other hand
, uncontrolled social media utilization may cause
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
addiction or even worse, they may be able to drown in
internet
 crime.
For instance
, many criminal cases
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young ages started
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online when they tend to
made
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make
show examples
 virtual friends, unfortunately, they are trapped to some frauds and kidnappers.
Hence
,
this
 activity could either makes kid
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
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 other
responbilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
such
 as
study
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studying
show examples
 and
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
parents
 or bring young generations into serious crime cases. Yet, those are some bad impacts if they use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 without
parents
 control. To sum up,
internet
 usages can give many
positives
Replace the word
positive
show examples
 impacts in
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 life, as well as, bad results if the utilization is not under-
controled
Correct your spelling
control
controlled
 of
parents
 or families. Many
parents
 should
remeber
Correct your spelling
remember
 that they always play important roles to keep
virtual
Correct article usage
the virtual
show examples
 world saves for their kids nowadays.
Submitted by Vanessanatha on

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