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Writing Samples
Band 8

Question: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In recent years, a significant number of rural inhabitants have moved into cities.
Although
 there are some advantages associated with
this
 migration, I firmly believe that the development of urbanization brings several detrimental consequences. On the one hand, advocates argue that increasing the population in cities can lead to various economic challenges for rural people and impose financial difficulties on them.
Additionally
, with the change in the number of individuals in rural areas, governments must bear excessively high costs to provide facilities and services in these sparsely populated regions to ensure equality across the country. By abandoning the countryside, these populations inevitably lose their comfortable situations, serene and tranquil environments, and the best quality air.
Furthermore
,
due to
 the high cost of living in metropolises, they are often forced to live in small apartments, which is a challenging adjustment for nearly all of them.
On the other hand
, living in cities accelerates people’s access to amenities, the latest technologies, and high-speed internet. The city lifestyle
also
 has an attractive allure, potentially improving life satisfaction in various aspects.
However
, it is noteworthy that residents in large urban areas often spend most of their valuable time at the workplace or commuting in cars or other transportation vehicles.
Consequently
, they might experience a sedentary lifestyle, leading to obesity and increased risk of heart disease.
For instance
, a study conducted in Italy indicated that 60% of employees who work long hours are prone to obesity, and 40% of these obese individuals suffer from heart disease. In conclusion, despite the allure of urbanization for most people, I wholeheartedly believe that living in the rural countryside is more beneficial for individuals. The reasons I have elaborated on in
this
 essay underscore the advantages of a rural lifestyle over the challenges of city living.
Submitted by saharaqajani on

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task achievement
You provided a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively discussing both sides of the argument through relevant examples and supporting details. To further enhance your essay, ensure that counter-arguments are fully addressed and consider expanding on specific examples for even greater impact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The paragraphs are well-organized, with each main point supported by detailed explanations. Consider using some topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea to the reader.
task achievement
Your essay is comprehensive and thoroughly addresses the prompt. You effectively discuss both the positive and negative aspects of rural migration to urban areas, which showcases a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs and ideas are well-organized and connected seamlessly, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
The examples provided, like the study from Italy, strengthen your argument and offer concrete evidence to support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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