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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying in and after school and have less free time. Do you think it has positive or negative effects on children and society that they live in?

#countries #parents #children #time #school #effects #society
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Nowadays, some parents in some countries want their
children
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 to study longer
time
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 both in classes and after school, and
children
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 have less leisure
time
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. From my perspective,
this
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 will create a negative impact on not only communities but
also
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children
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. In
this
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 essay, the cons of studying too long and less free
time
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 will be examined before reaching a conclusion.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that studying improves
children
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's knowledge, particularly academic abilities. Having strong academic abilities are necessary for their future careers. In fact,
however
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, what societies need is not just bright and billion people, but the world
need
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needs
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 people who understand each other and be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human being.
This
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 is what
children
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 can be taught by
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
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 on leisure activities.
For example
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, in order to learn how to work in a team, students can learn from playing sports
such
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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basketball,
a soccer
Remove the article
soccer
a game of soccer
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,
a
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apply
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volleyball, etc.
Thus
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, it can be seen that only studying in a classroom will create some drawbacks. Another negative
effects
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effect
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 on
children
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 from having less free
time
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is
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are
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 that they will lose
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to find what they are really like. Generally, students should have more
time
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 to play sports, music, or whatever they want to do. Doing a lot of activities will help them to discover their talents.
Besides
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, it will improve creativity which is as important as
academic
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academics
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.
For instance
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, when
children
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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focus on studying only, they cannot solve the problems that require creative thinking. It means they do not have
ability
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the ability
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 to think out of the box.
Therefore
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, societies will lack
of
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apply
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new ideas. In conclusion, some parents believe that their
children
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 should spend longer
time
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 at
schools
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school
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 and after
schools
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school
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, it would be better to support
children
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have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 more leisure
time
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 in order to strengthen their different abilities.
Submitted by kanokwann.joy on

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