IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Write a short story happend in 2022 in New york and expline

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Once upon a time, in 2022, a golden envelope was delivered anonymously to Snape’s house, one that includes an invitation to the Great Shelter in
New-York
Correct your spelling
New York
show examples
. It was sealed by a special type of golden wax! He felt weird,
then
Linking Words
 happy. He rushed to the bus and asked him about that invitation. He answered him with an eager tone that it is true, that he’s got accepted in the most wanted places in life, but the view of decisiveness was obvious to
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Snape.
Then
Linking Words
 he went back and thought about it. ‘Why
me’
Correct your spelling
me
show examples
, he thought!
Then
Linking Words
 suddenly, an old man appeared out of nowhere. A giant one with a white, long beard. “You could tell many spectacular stories when just looking at his face”, said
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Snape. He saw him bouncing his leg nervously: looking for the lovely moment to arrive. ‘I had built dreams, big ones,’ he thought. ‘
Then
Linking Words
 he showed up with dreadful news, about the letter he received earlier. But it belonged to those thieves that lived by robbing others and murdered them afterwards. He sat silently for hours after hearing the old man’s talk; he was not even listening, but the fact that his dream has been demolished is bloody disappointing. But the fact that he was rescued by an old man was more sufficient to let him somewhat calm! “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, only if remembered how to turn on the light”, Albus Dumbledore.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: