IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #refugees #assistance #food
Experts throughout the world have debated whether developed
countries
 should open their doors in accepting refugees to help them by supplying the primary needs of life.
This
 essay totally disagrees with the statement. In my opinion, it
impacts
 the asylum
countries
 development and depletes the resources of the wealthy
countries
.
Firstly
,
people
 are escaping from their own
country
 in search of a better life. It means to say that the developed nations offer good career opportunities which improve the lifestyle of the refugees. But if all of them are migrating towards other
countries
 where they get a standard living, the
further
 development and economy of the local
country
 will face detrimental consequences.
For instance
, Canada has accepted
such
people
 who moved from their home
country
 Sri Lanka and now the young population has declined to 70% in Sri Lanka. There are not enough
people
 in the nation to do basic jobs
such
 as farming in order to support the economy of the nation.
Secondly
, accepting more refugees puts high pressure on the resources available in the richest
countries
.
This
 is to say that it will become an additional burden on taxpayers because the government spends money on these asylum programs by taxing the income
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
.
Moreover
, natural resources will be depleted to construct houses for accommodation, usage of fossil fuels will be increased for transportation which has negative
impacts
 on the environment of the wealthy
countries
.
For example
, Canada has reported that there is a significant change in climate because of the increase in population rate and the
impacts
 on global warming. To conclude, opening doors to asylum
people
 has negative
impacts
 on the economy of the local
country
 as well as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
deteriorates the wealth of the rich
countries
.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
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