IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest affect on people's way of life. Others believe that the economy of a region has the greatest effect. This is both the views and give your opinion.

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There are many things in
this
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 world that could the
way
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 of
people
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’s lives.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that the
climate
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 is the most crucial factor to affect
people
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, I side with those who feel that the economy has the greatest impact. On the one hand, it could be argued that
climate
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 has the greatest effect on
people
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's
way
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 of life because of two factors.
Firstly
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, the weather decides what
people
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 wear, what
people
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 eat, and what
people
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 do.
For instance
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, during high temperatures,
people
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 usually drink more rather than normal.
Moreover
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, if there is heavy rain or snow in the city,
people
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 tend to stay in their own houses.
Secondly
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,
climate
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 change nowadays could lead to a disaster
such
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 as floods and by that,
people
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 will change their bad habits related to prevent it.
On the other hand
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, I believe with those who think that the economy of a region plays a crucial influence for two main reasons.
To begin
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, there is a significant difference in facilities between rich and poor areas
such
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 as schools, restaurants, food, and stations.
This
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 condition brings a variety of effects on
people
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's lives
such
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 as the
way
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 they talk, the knowledge they gain, and the experiences they have. The other reason is when a region has few jobs offered, the
people
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 tend to do risky actions. To illustrate,
people
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 who have no occupation still need to fulfill their daily needs and they may do the robbery. In conclusion,
while
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climate
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 has a certain impact on
people
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's
way
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 of life like affecting their habits, I firmly remain convinced that the economy in a region plays the most crucial role as it forms the behaviour and their actions to survive in
this
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 life.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are clearly and directly related to the question asked. In some parts, more direct linkage to the prompt could enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
To expand your range of specific examples, consider incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life case studies which could make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words and phrases could enhance your essay's flow and coherence. This addition could seamlessly guide the reader through your ideas.
General
Remember to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos for a polished final product.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets out the essay's structure, clearly stating the topic and your stance, which provides a solid foundation for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, with each paragraph discussing a distinct point that is relevant to your argument, helping maintain coherence.
Supported Main Points
The use of specific examples, like the influence of climate on people's daily choices and the impact of economic conditions on people's behavior, effectively supports your main points.
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