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Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illnesses, rather than funding the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #lifestyle #illnesses #treatment
Some
people
 argue that allocating the public budget for ill
people
 is not as important as encouraging them to have a healthy lifestyle to prevent
diseases
. In my perspective, it's better to nip the devil from the bud, so prevention is more feasible/ logical than treatment.
First
 and foremost, a huge part of ailments can be prevented by a healthy lifestyle. Doing workouts on a daily basis, avoiding eating process foods, drinking sugary drinks and smoking play an important role in preventing illnesses. If
governments
 spend/ invest more taxes/ budget on educating
people
 and aware
/
inform them about these potential threats for their welfare, body human beings, they can save billions of dollars. Taking as an example, in my country dealing with diabetic
people
's costs is one of the hardest issues for the government. But by regular examination and avoiding sugary foods individuals can protect themselves from
this
 illness.
Furthermore
, many maladies cannot be cured. Since lots of scientists have not found any actual remedies for abundant
diseases
, it is better to consider personal hygiene and a healthy lifestyle to avoid these.
For example
, once individuals become HIV positive, they will be infected for the rest of their lives.
This
 is
also
 true for other infections
such
 as HPV positive and HBV positive.
However
,
governments
 should educate
people
 about these viral
diseases
, which can be prevented by following some simple protocols. Some may argue that there are so many fatal
diseases
 with heredity causes that cannot be prevented. They think
governments
 should have enough medical infrastructures for curing these
people
,
however
, I think if
governments
 save finance by preventing preventative
diseases
, they can invest more funding on heretical
diseases
. In conclusion, I completely agree with investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 giving education and awareness to
people
 to prevent illnesses, since most of the time treatments cost more and many ailments cannot be treated.
Submitted by Parastoo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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