IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development. However, others believe that these are leading to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary era, the expansion of global business and cultural contacts has become a highly debated issue.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that these interactions bring substantial benefits, others fear they may gradually erode national identities. In my view, the advantages of global integration outweigh its drawbacks, provided that cultural heritage is consciously preserved. On the one hand, closer international cooperation generates remarkable economic and cultural benefits. From an economic perspective, multinational corporations
such
Linking Words
 as McDonald’s or Starbucks create employment opportunities and stimulate local industries by fostering competition.
This
Linking Words
 not only raises living standards but
also
Linking Words
 encourages innovation within domestic markets. Culturally, cross-border exchanges enrich individuals’ worldviews.
For example
Linking Words
, through social media platforms like Instagram, millions of users gain direct exposure to different lifestyles and traditions, thereby cultivating greater cultural awareness and tolerance.
Such
Linking Words
 developments foster mutual understanding and strengthen global harmony.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics argue that
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 threatens cultural uniqueness. When global chains dominate food markets, traditional cuisines may lose popularity
due to
Linking Words
 their time-consuming preparation. Over time, local communities risk neglecting their culinary heritage, which forms an essential part of national identity.
Similarly
Linking Words
, excessive reliance on foreign media and entertainment can diminish younger generations’ appreciation for indigenous art forms. If these trends continue unchecked, nations may experience a gradual erosion of cultural pride. In conclusion, the increasing exchange of business and culture brings undeniable economic growth and broader perspectives.
However
Linking Words
, governments and communities must actively safeguard their traditions to ensure that
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 does not come at the expense of national identity. With a balanced approach, countries can enjoy the benefits of integration
while
Linking Words
 preserving their unique cultural legacies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
You do show both sides and give your own view. To reach a higher score, add a clearer plan of steps or ideas to keep home culture safe while you trade.
Task response
Give more strong and clear examples for each idea. Add a few local ways or laws that help keep trad craft and songs alive.
Coherence
Link your ideas with simple and small links. Do not use too long lines. Each paragraph should hold one main idea.
Coherence
Use plain words most of the time. Avoid big words. This helps the flow.
Coherence
Try to end with a calm line that shows how we can gain from world growth but save our own culture.
Strength
Clear view and a good balance of pro and cons.
Strength
Good use of “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” to show both sides.
Strength
Examples used are relevant and the ending is clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • economic growth
  • living standards
  • cultural understanding
  • homogenization
  • national identities
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • balancing
  • embrace
  • opportunities
  • respecting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: