IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good members of the society. Others,however believe school is the best place to learn it. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
Certain individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 claim that parents ought to teach their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 how to be
a better members
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better member
better members
show examples
 of
society
 whereas others insist that
school
 is the best place to learn how to become responsible in
society
. In my view,
parent
Add an article
the parent
a parent
show examples
 is the best in
incorporate
Wrong verb form
incorporating
show examples
 how to be a better member of
society
 into their young ones because they spent the larger part of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 time together and they are seen as their
role
 models. For some individuals, parents should be the ones guiding and teaching their
children
 how to become responsible in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
This
 is because a larger part of their time
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 spent in the same place and they are seen as the
first
 contact in
children
 lives .
for instance
 , a mother is the primary
Correct your spelling
caregiver
show examples
care giver
Correct your spelling
caregiver
show examples
 of their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
Thus
, it is believed that they should be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 teaching the
children
 the norms and rules of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
, in other for them to be a responsible adult.
Conversely
, some believe it the
role
 of the
school
 to teach
children
 how to be
a better members
Correct the article-noun agreement
a better member
better members
show examples
 of
society
. What
this
 implies is that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 have a course curriculum
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 consists of teaching on how to survive and be
a good members
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good member
good members
show examples
 of the community.
Thus
, it is
role
Add an article
the role
show examples
 of
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 to be
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 of student life and teaches them how to act in the best way in
society
. Many studies have shown that high percentage of successful
adut
Correct your spelling
adult
 are from
school
 teaching. I equally believe that parent is the best teachers in teaching their young ones how to become
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 member of
society
.
In other words
, they are seen as the
role
 models and they must
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
how
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 the best in the community
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by teaching and training. In conclusion, some people hold the view that
school
 is the best environment to learn how
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 in best behaviour in the
society
.
However
,I believe parents
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 source in training their
children
 how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good citizen.
Submitted by temitope.sabitu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: