Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that others measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #health #sport #facilities #effect #measures

These days, individuals usually get sick easily because of various factors, and some believe that the most effective way of decreasing

this

problem is to increase the play area.

However

, some believe that the expansion of play apparatus in every corner of the country could have a profound impact on the issue.

This

essay intends to analyse both perspectives.

First

and foremost, some public thinks that the best solution for improving public health is by providing many business

machineries

Change the wording

machinery

types of machinery

pieces of machinery

show examples

in society. The presence of treadmills, sports fields, basketball halls or football fields in the settlements encourages the population to do some exercise. With the increasing number of crowd who do physical exercises, it is expected that the rate of several diseases which are caused by unhealthy lifestyles,

such

as diabetics, heart attack or obesity would be reduced.

On the other hand

, another group of society believe that building some play furnishings in the community would not be effective without health education campaigns is an essential matter since it is important to open the mind of the public about having a healthy lifestyle. The campaign should be well prepared, properly socialized and carefully conducted, so that the population will have an understanding of a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, I think ,

therefore

, if the community know that exercising is

such

as a long-term investment as they do not need to pay for serious diseases in older ages, they would be interested in using sports apparatus,

however

, enough play furniture should be constructed in each part of cities and villages.

Submitted by uluga2002 on Tue Nov 30 2021

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
chronic diseases
preventative care
obesity
physical activity
health initiatives
health education campaigns
social interaction
mental wellbeing
motivation
accessible venues
active lifestyle
quality healthcare
community hubs
multipronged approach

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