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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #form #beings
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The world is currently facing the 5th mass extinction of
animals
Use synonyms
due to
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 global warming. Different wildlife
species
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 are becoming critically endangered. Some people are of the opinion that countries and the human race should save these
animals
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 from being completely wiped out,
while
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 others claim to focus on real-life problems faced by individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why conserving these innocent creatures is indispensable.
Firstly
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, we humans,
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, are connected to wildlife through different means.
Animals
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 play a significant role in regulating the natural system of Earth.
For example
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, lions balance the population of deer and many other herbivore
species
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 by preying on them. If big cats become extinct, there will be an abundance of
species
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 of plant-reliant
animals
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 which is unfavourable to mother nature. If humans do not conserve these magnificent
species
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, the ecosystems of our planet will be affected
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due to
Change preposition
apply
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which
Correct word choice
and
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 our food chain will
also
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 be greatly disturbed.
While
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 people have their own problems to deal with,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what they are not aware of is that the human race is itself one to blame for all the damage that has been caused. Human-induced industrialisation, unequal distribution of food, developments, increased fuel vehicles on the road, and livestock farming
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 all rapidly changing the Earth’s climate at a faster rate; global warming has disturbed our agriculture, increased drought and famine worldwide. The occurrence of all these issues is predominantly because of the human population, and we are already facing the consequences. In conclusion, concentrating on our own problems and neglecting wildlife is a flawed understanding of some individuals.
Therefore
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, it is imperative to conserve
animals
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 in order to have a balanced ecosystem and food chain.
Submitted by parvezshehzeen on

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task response
Ensure that every point is directly relevant to the topic and address all parts of the question clearly.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained, but some complex sentences have been used which may need further clarification for complete coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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