Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#species #world #people #countries #individuals #animals #form #beings

The world is currently facing the 5th mass extinction of

animals

due to

global warming. Different wildlife

species

are becoming critically endangered. Some people are of the opinion that countries and the human race should save these

animals

from being completely wiped out,

while

others claim to focus on real-life problems faced by individuals.

This

essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail and provide evidence as to why conserving these innocent creatures is indispensable.

Firstly

, we humans,

ourselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, are connected to wildlife through different means.

Animals

play a significant role in regulating the natural system of Earth.

For example

, lions balance the population of deer and many other herbivore

species

by preying on them. If big cats become extinct, there will be an abundance of

species

of plant-reliant

animals

which is unfavourable to mother nature. If humans do not conserve these magnificent

species

, the ecosystems of our planet will be affected

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

our food chain will

also

be greatly disturbed.

While

people have their own problems to deal with,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

what they are not aware of is that the human race is itself one to blame for all the damage that has been caused. Human-induced industrialisation, unequal distribution of food, developments, increased fuel vehicles on the road, and livestock farming

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

all rapidly changing the Earth’s climate at a faster rate; global warming has disturbed our agriculture, increased drought and famine worldwide. The occurrence of all these issues is predominantly because of the human population, and we are already facing the consequences. In conclusion, concentrating on our own problems and neglecting wildlife is a flawed understanding of some individuals.

Therefore

, it is imperative to conserve

animals

in order to have a balanced ecosystem and food chain.

Submitted by parvezshehzeen on Tue Nov 30 2021

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task response

Ensure that every point is directly relevant to the topic and address all parts of the question clearly.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure is well-maintained, but some complex sentences have been used which may need further clarification for complete coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

some say that one of the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others

many chilren are encouraged by their parent to get a part time job. what are the advantages and disadvantages to children doing so?

Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?