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Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many countries, too much money was spent by government and individuals on national celebration such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #money #government #individuals #celebration #year #festivals
In the ultra-modern epoch, folks and regimes are spending large funds on their festivals.
However
, it is an argued issue whether the masses pay a plethora of amounts for their religious celebration or not. Even though some people think that it is a destructive way to enjoy their carnival by spending a huge amount of money, I believe that
this
 notion is constructive as shown in the upcoming paragraph. Commenting with the most silent reason why individuals are spending their hefty sum of amount on their festivals.
Firstly
, India is a diverse country and there are numerous types of carnivals and
also
 people have their own way of celebrating
this
. Most folks spend their colossal to enjoying and showing they are the best. To illustrate, in West Bengal, one person made a pandal similar to a Burj Khalifa and he spent near about 50-60 lakh rupees on
this
 occasion.
Secondly
, governments
also
 make a special budget for some occasions
such
 as Republic Day and Independence Day. They spend a huge chunk on fighter jet activity, every state shows their culture as a model in the parade.
Hence
, in
this
 manner regime and masses spend their capital for celebration.
On the other hand
, some people spend their money on the celebration in the wrong direction. Diwali is a famous festival in India, folks buy numerous crackers and they crack at night. Owing to
this
 not only spreads a plethora of pollution in the environment but
also
 produces a myriad of sounds. Ergo,
this
 is the destructive approach to enjoying the festivals. In conclusion,
although
 individuals celebrate without care for the environment, I believe the masses can spend their colossal volume celebrating their occupation in a wonderful approach without disturbing others.
Submitted by harmanjotdhindsa on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by ensuring your paragraph ideas flow in a more organized and progressive manner. Try to connect paragraphs using appropriate transition words that smoothly guide readers through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure an introduction and a conclusion are present, clearly defined, and effectively encapsulate your main argument and key points. Your conclusion should restate your opinion and summarize the key points without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed explanations and a wider variety of examples. While examples provided do illustrate your point, diversifying and deepening your explanations can enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
To fully address the task, make sure to directly answer the question posed in the prompt in your introduction, clearly stating your opinion. Throughout the essay, consistently relate back to the question, ensuring all parts of your response contribute towards a complete answer.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand upon your ideas with comprehensive explanations and precise vocabulary. Avoid overly broad statements by focusing on specific aspects or effects related to the topic.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Ensure these examples are clearly linked to the points you’re making and demonstrate a direct understanding of the topic’s complexities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive spending
  • allocate resources
  • pressing needs
  • temporary pleasure
  • cultural heritage
  • fostering community
  • national pride
  • boost the economy
  • promoting tourism
  • social cohesion
  • investment in cultural preservation
  • budgeting and planning
  • moderation and strategic planning
  • cost-effective
  • vital areas
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