IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity.

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Globalisation
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 is the process of integration amongst people which was brought about by an unprecedented development in technology, especially in communication and transportation.
This
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 process has made
cultures
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 and traditions converge into one, creating a belief that cultural identity will fade into a monochrome of uniformity.
However
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, in my opinion, I believe that cultural identity will never be lost as we approach a more globalised
world
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.
To begin
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 with, several consequences are caused by
globalisation
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such
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 as a loss of unique
cultures
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. The digital era has ushered in an era of interconnectedness whereby entertainment and other content can be accessed through the Internet.
While
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this
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 interconnectedness allows for the exchange of ideas, it could
also
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 lead to a more homogenised
world
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 as individuals adopt dominant popular cultural norms.
Therefore
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,
this
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 could lead to a gradual shift away from the native
culture
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 towards a globally dominant
culture
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, leading to a loss of cultural heritage.
This
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 can easily be seen in the spread of American
culture
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 through major US conglomerates
such
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 as
McDonalds
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Mcdonald's
Mcdonalds'
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 and Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola is one of the most popular soft drinks in the
world
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 and has always been associated with American
culture
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, especially food. Its expanse in many countries
have
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has
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 been a stepping stone for other US companies to set up their businesses, exposing the natives
with
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to
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 more American
culture
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 which they have accepted and even adopted with open arms.
On the other hand
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,
globalisation
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 can be a tool to promote cultural identity. As the
world
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 becomes more connected, the differences in
cultures
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, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 sharpened in the process of
globalisation
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, can be a source of conflict. In his “Clash of
Cultures
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”, political scientist Samuel Huntington argues that post-Cold
war
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War
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 politics would be different and only on the basis of
cultures
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. To expand on
this
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 conflict, Huntington explains that whilst the West
have
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has
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 the most influence and
at
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is at
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 their peak of power, lesser nations are returning to their old ways because they have the resources and will to shape the
world
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 in a non-Western way.
This
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 is only intensified by the globalised
world
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 where more people are aware of the differences and commonalities between civilisations. Through
this
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 shared goal, members of a civilisation can band together in an effort to expand their
cultures
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 and heritage whilst protecting cultural diversity. In conclusion,
globalisation
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 brought about by the advent of modern communication and transportation has allowed certain
cultures
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 to become globally accepted traditions.
However
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,
this
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globalisation
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 can lead to a cultural awareness to take action, incentivising individuals to preserve or expand their heritage on the
world
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 stage.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a complete response to the task, it's important to remember that keeping every idea clearly organized will strengthen the overall argument. Work on slightly improving the clarity and articulation of your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and robust.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples. For instance, detailing exact measures or initiatives aimed at preserving cultural identity in the face of globalization could add more weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of using varied connecting phrases and words to ensure smooth transitions. Even though your structure is logically sound, refining the flow between paragraphs can enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding on your conclusion slightly. Restate the main points more clearly to reinforce your argument, leaving the reader with a strong ending impression.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, setting the stage and wrapping up the argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates clear comprehension of the task, presenting a thoughtful and balanced discussion on the topic. Well done!
task achievement
You used relevant examples and references, such as Coca-Cola and Samuel Huntington’s theory, to support your arguments. This adds credibility and depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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