The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology

#role #education #children #world #schools #art #music #curriculum #focus #information #technology

It is believed by some people that learning

art

and

music

at school is a wastage of time and

therefore

, schools should exclude these

subjects

from their curriculum and focus more on

subjects

like science and information technology. I do not agree with

this

thought and in my opinion, these

subjects

are

also

important for the cultural development of the modern world.

Firstly

, in

this

modern era, information technology plays a crucial role in our daily life.

Similarly

, every day, new technologies are emerging and everybody wants to be a part of

this

modern technical world.

Moreover

, people, nowadays, attracting more towards

this

sector because of availability of jobs, high salary and travel around the world,

as a result

, more people think that the foundation of

this

technical background should start from schools and that's why they want

subjects

like science, information technology, computer, coding etc. On the other side, if we focus more on these

subjects

and remove

art

and

music

from the school curriculum

then

it will not possible for us to prevent and continue our tradition and culture.

On the other hand

art

helps us to develop creativity and imagination which is a useful thing in any profession. In the same way, children express their thoughts and emotions in their drawings and painting and it

also

helps children of all ages to release their stress.

Similarly

, if nobody will learn

music

then

nobody will be able to play the

music

and

this

results in the decline of our musical culture. In conclusion, there should be a healthy balance of all

subjects

such

as science,

art

music

, language and physical activity in the school curriculum.

Submitted by sainiriya993 on Tue Nov 30 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subject such as information technology

Fully explain your ideas

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measure do you think might be effective?

After being punished, many criminals continue to commit crimes. Why do some people commit crimes even after having been punished? What measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people belive that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies . Others claim , that men are just as good as women at parenting