IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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The increased number of ageing
people
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 in
society
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 leads some
people
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 to believe that they impose a huge financial burden on
society
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. Considering the contribution they made and the stimulation they have to young
people
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, I hold the view that the ageing population brings more good than harm.
To begin
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 with, the contributions the elderly
people
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 make, both tangible and intangible, are an evident benefit to
society
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.
First,
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experience and knowledge can be passed from the older generation to the young directly, ensuring there is no science and technology gap between generations.
Second,
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the fact that having a number of ageing population indicates societal development in many areas
such
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 as medical and
retirement
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 systems, allows young
people
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 to trust the government.
In other words
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, they believe that they can
also
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 enjoy welfare after their
retirement
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 and,
therefore
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 would be willing to contribute to
society
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. Admittedly, a voice may arise that significant financial pressure is placed to take care of the ageing group. Ironically, another contribution of the old
people
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 is the tax revenue they paid during their long working period, which covers the majority of their costs after
retirement
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.
In addition
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, the rise of the ageing group
also
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 brings financial benefits
due to
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 the fact they tend to consume commodities and services, boosting the economy in a considerable way.
For example
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, various companies are targeting the market of ageing
people
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, producing devices for health monitoring and disease prediction.
That is
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 to say, the old
people
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 ought not to be regarded as a burden to
society
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 since they are playing an imperative role in a country's economy. In conclusion, the fact that
people
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 tend to live longer brings advantages to the economy and converts positive information to the next generations, stimulating them to dedicate themselves to societal progression and enjoy their
retirement
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 one day. They deserve careful treatment from the whole
society
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and analytical introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the key points that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarise your position without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a well-organized structure, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea. Logical connectors and transitions between paragraphs should be used to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, make sure you directly address the question by discussing the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages. Both sides should be represented proportionately and your position should be clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points, ensuring that they are relevant and detailed. Examples need to be illustrative of the argument you are making, and they should help to clarify and reinforce your position.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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