IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#range #technology #people #gap #effect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the diverse kind of technology that
people
Use synonyms
 could afford makes the difference between
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
 and poor
people
Use synonyms
. While others may have
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
an opposite
show examples
 view. In the
next
Linking Words
 two paragraphs, I will give my opinion related to that discussion and provide it with appropriate arguments. With the
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of technologies, we do have more choices of purchases to buy. the shops offer us the big choice of things: starting from headphones to the most powerful computers.
However
Linking Words
, the purchase of those products
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on your finance. the cost of these things may show your
finansial
Correct your spelling
financial
 status in society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the marketing impacts on
people
Use synonyms
, making them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy computers or telephones that cost a fortune, offering them
low-percent
Change the spelling
low-per cent
show examples
 credits that you may pay for several years. It can be noticed from every fourth person who
own
Change the verb form
owns
show examples
Correct your spelling
iPhone
iphone
Correct article usage
an iphone
show examples
 in the street, even if they can not afford it to buy. So, it makes the gap between more
financial
Change the adjective
financially
show examples
 stable and less stable
people
Use synonyms
 less obvious, because you can not make any conclusions about
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 status of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 just looking at them. To conclude all
previous
Change the adjective
previously
show examples
 given arguments, I can say that,
people
Use synonyms
 who tend to look better in the eyes of other
people
Use synonyms
, will always try to pretend more successful, wealthier than they are in fact. And
that is
Linking Words
 why it is always easier for brands to manipulate and make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy the things they do not need. The growing range of tech products makes a gap between
people
Use synonyms
 of different financial statuses, but it is less obvious due to a big offer of the way of payments from the shops and marketing companies.
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: