IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum؟

#arts #art #music #theatre #society #place #lifestyles #school #curriculum؟
The various kinds of
arts
 have been involved in almost all aspects of human life. despite of rapid increase in technology with undeniable enormous changes, not only have not lost the
arts
 value, but
also
it is clear that
 a great place has been built among modern lifestyles. In today's life, it seems impossible to recognize the separation line between
arts
 and things. Because they include almost everything
such
 as clothes, buildings, systems, etc.
For instance
, the music industry has a significant impact on all parts of people's lives. The individuals listen to music in every situation and during many activities
such
 as at the gym, party, home, etc. The contents that are present in songs have played an effective role in many events, revolutions, and global policies. Music and other fields of the
arts
 influence people's lives, manners, moods, and even beliefs. There are a lot of reasons that the
arts
 should be part of the school curriculum. The impact of the
arts
 is undeniable. So, I do think that children should be educated in at least the fundamentals of the
arts
 fields to continue each major in the
arts
 that are interested in for their future life.
In addition
, almost all fields of the
arts
 can make their career. So, the school curriculum with the art training programs can cause the future success of children.
To sum up
, the
arts
 have a great and wide impact on every aspect of our modern lifestyles and make them more rich and improve.
That is
 the important reason that teaching every field of the
arts
 to students is an ability and skill that can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become more successful and happy.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure a clear thesis statement is present in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay.
Content
Work on developing fully supported main points with specific examples to strengthen the argument.
Coherence
Focus on paragraph structure, ensuring each has a clear main idea and that they logically connect to one another.
Task Response
Task response could be improved by directly addressing the question throughout the essay, rather than general discussion of the topic.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and discourse markers to improve the flow of ideas.
Positioning
Be clear and explicit about whether you support arts in schools, and provide clear arguments to justify your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: