Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers

As the world has changed rapidly, various standards of success emerge nowadays. Several

people

argue that the rich are the most successful.

However

, I firmly believe that

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

who contribute to

society

are more successful than rich

people

. On the one hand, those who serve in

society

based on altruism have self-fulfilment. It is hard to deny that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

Add an article

the people

show examples

consider satisfaction as a key factor in a successful life. To be specific, some psychologists have demonstrated that a majority of contributors in

society

Add an article

a society

the society

show examples

like scientists and professors feel satisfaction more than just riches.

Moreover

, there is even a research study

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

implies that the marginal satisfaction from higher of a unit of income remains constant when the money exceeds a certain level.

However

, the more they contribute to

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

and benefit everyone, the happier they feel without limit.

Furthermore

, those who have made contributions to

society

are commonly able to help someone and even save the world.

However

, it is true that becoming rich is tremendous power in a capitalist

society

. In fact, everyone lives a life full of a series of choices. And property is a catalyst

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

helps

people

make more advantageous and convenient selections when they choose by allowing public financial freedom.

Moreover

, wealth can afford the possessions and lifestyle they desire, and

also

give them free time and peace of mind to completely enjoy their leisure.

In other words

, wealth allows an individual to enjoy their life to the fullest. In conclusion, great

people

contributing to

society

are psychologically pleased and help everyone, but money

also

makes an individual joyful in

this

capitalist

society

. Every individual and

society

must locate a balance between these two ideals.

Submitted by shoep11 on Sun Dec 05 2021

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial prosperity
capitalizing
luxury travel
exclusive experiences
contributions to society
humanitarian workers
lasting impact
highly subjective
cultural, societal, and personal values
comfort and security
deeper personal satisfaction
holistic understanding

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Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Water pollution has been an increasing problem over the last few decades. What causes water pollution? How can we prevent this problem?

Some people think that libraries are a waste of resources and money so computers should replace them. However, others do not agree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

some people believe that it is important to keep the home and the work place tidy and organized. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view.

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?