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Writing Samples /
Band 8

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income
In recent years the topic of choosing a vocation by only considering high
income
 has sparked a debate. From my perspective, there should be a balance between salary and interest when it comes to selecting an occupation and the reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, in
this
 contemporary era,
money
 is an important factor in having a facilitated life.
This
 is because most criteria to have a convenient life depend on how much
money
 you have. And the amount of
money
 which can be earned depends on what the job is.
As a result
, the more
money
 can be made the easier the life will be.
For instance
, you can purchase a house in the suburbs or buy an apartment in the city centre with numerous recreational facilities.
Therefore
, the importance of high
income
 can not be ignored and the reasons underscore
this
 point effectively.
On the other hand
, the willingness to work
also
 plays an important role.
This
 can be illustrated as the passion that convinces every single individual to wake up in the morning and go to work. Without any interest in going to work, even with a high
income
 is a hard task to do.
As a result
, people should consider their desires when they are about to choose their career. In conclusion, from my point of view high
income
 is as important as interest and people should set a balance between these two factors when it comes to choosing a vocation.
Submitted by mehdi1998d on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a strong argument that encompasses both sides of the debate. However, try to delve deeper into the counter-arguments. Consider discussing potential downsides of not prioritizing income or how passion without financial reward might affect long-term career satisfaction.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing income to discussing passion can be further refined to emphasize their interrelatedness.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to reinforce your main points. This will make your argument more persuasive and evidence-based.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and clearly states your viewpoint.
logical structure
Logical flow is generally maintained throughout the essay, and your points support your main argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion neatly ties together the main points discussed in your essay, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
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