IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Various species of
animals
Use synonyms
 are employed to fulfil human needs
such
Linking Words
 as food, transportation, and research. Many individuals argue against it and believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should have equal rights as humans, and should not be exploited;
while
Linking Words
 others advocate that it is okay to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for our benefit.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses both viewpoints,
however
Linking Words
, I strongly concur with the group that believes
animals
Use synonyms
 should be treated with kindness. In recent times, there has been an increase in the number of people raising their voices against animal cruelty as they believe that just because humans are the most intelligent and advanced beings, it does not give them the right to exploit the ones below them.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 our selfish decisions, many species of the animal kingdom are already extinct, and many are endangered.
For example
Linking Words
, passenger pigeons, which were very common in the past, were easy to trap and served as a cheaper food alternative,
therefore
Linking Words
, people exploited them so much that they have now become extinct.
Hence
Linking Words
, I believe that if we continue to harm and kill
animals
Use synonyms
 to cater to our requirements, we will end up destroying the entire ecosystem.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are many people who believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should be used to satisfy human needs
such
Linking Words
 as providing necessary nutrition, and for research purposes. Monkeys have been used for medicinal research for decades. Most of the medicines, before reaching the human trial stage have to pass animal testing,
this
Linking Words
 method allows to protect humans from potential adverse effects.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, the same nutrients can be obtained from animal resources, and
furthermore
Linking Words
, the technology has become so advanced that we can test these medicines using alternative methods, which do not involve harming other species. In conclusion, using
animals
Use synonyms
 in our day-to-day lives remains a contentious topic,
however
Linking Words
, I wholeheartedly believe that we should treat them kindly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is prudent to take steps to protect them
instead
Linking Words
 of harming them, to preserve the balance of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You've provided a solid introduction and conclusion. However, consider connecting your main points more seamlessly with topic sentences that explicitly outline the argument of each paragraph.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing both viewpoints and expressing your opinion. To enhance the task achievement further, you can provide more detailed examples or statistics to back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the issue and presents your stance, which helps in guiding the reader through the essay.
task achievement
You have touched upon multiple aspects of the topic, showing a good understanding of different viewpoints.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exploitation
  • Animal welfare
  • Ethical treatment
  • Vegetarianism
  • Veganism
  • Cognitive dissonance
  • Humane
  • Live stock
  • Cruelty-free
  • Bioethics
  • Conservation
  • Habitat preservation
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Animal testing
  • Synthetic biology
  • Genetic engineering
  • Speciesism
  • Animal husbandry
  • Sustainable farming
What to do next:
Look at other essays: