IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
It is seemingly common for young generations to look up to their favourable
celebrities
 as role models in several aspects. Some
people
 believe that the appearance of nowadays influencers often come along with showing off their assets or money, which could create an unhealthy perception of followers. I partly agree with
this
 statement as while adolescents adopt damaging effects from the stars, there are still famous
people
 who do the right things. Granted, it is admitted that there are a group of
celebrities
 who are famous for showcasing how rich they are
instead
 of their truthful talents, which creates an alarming trend for their audiences.
Consequently
, their audiences will blindly do the same as their influencers in buying the same products or wearing the same brand in order to be admired by other fellows, even if their financial situations can not afford
such
 items.
For instance
, audiences watch the Kardashians’ show to see how wealthy they are, from hosting parties to purchasing clothes from recognizable brands. The younger generation
therefore
 effortlessly tries to mirror their influencers by trying to have the same appearance, even when they barely make ends meet.
However
, one can not argue that all of the
celebrities
 are the same. There are famous individuals who are renowned for their real talents and achievements
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and have set good examples for their followers.
For instance
, Cristiano Ronaldo is not only famous worldwide for his remarkable football skills, but
also
 for his generosity. Every year he spends millions on charitable events and even
personally
Replace the word
personal
show examples
 visits children who are severely ill, in order to motivate and support them financially and psychologically.
This
 goodwill of Ronaldo has resulted in fostering determination and boosting the spirits of other admirers, to inherit his legacies. In conclusion, despite the fact that there are
celebrities
 who have negatively influenced
people
 by only focusing on their glamorous appearances, other famous
people
 who have a reputation for doing good things still exist.
Submitted by uyen.buix97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: