IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better?

#schools #students #school #uniforms #two #policies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It's been observed in recent years that schools are taking different approaches in regard to clothing. Some are making it mandatory for their
students
Use synonyms
 to wear
uniforms
Use synonyms
 . while other schools are allowing pupils to have the choice of what they will wear. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will be discussing why I believe that
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
 are a much better approach.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,it is common that many high schools do not require their
students
Use synonyms
 to wear
uniforms
Use synonyms
 . They believe that
uniforms
Use synonyms
 have no effect on
Use synonyms
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 performance , and rather than focusing and spending money on
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 focus should be
sifted
Correct your spelling
shifted
show examples
 to improving
school
Use synonyms
 curriculum and
school
Use synonyms
 facilities.
However
Linking Words
, the cardinal reason why I prefer
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
Use synonyms
 is the fact that it promotes equality; rich and poor
students
Use synonyms
 are obligated to wear the same clothes to
school
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
,
discremenation
Correct your spelling
discrimination
 can be avoided through
this
Linking Words
 practice,
for example
Linking Words
 , rich teens tend to wear expensive clothes.
Therefore
Linking Words
 , poor and
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
youngsters may feel inferior to these rich
students
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 ,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 promote a sense of unity within the
school
Use synonyms
 as
students
Use synonyms
 feel like they are a part of the same group.A recent survey that was conducted in the UK showed that more than 60% of high
school
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 wearing
uniforms
Use synonyms
. Their main reason was that it gave them a sense of belonging.
In addition
Linking Words
,
uniforms
Use synonyms
 are more cost-effective for parents. It will take off an extra financial pressure from their shoulders . In conclusion , I believe that educational institutions should make it compulsory for their
students
Use synonyms
 to wear
uniforms
Use synonyms
. By doing
this
Linking Words
 they are promoting equality and avoiding discrimination .
Submitted by ph.amal.just on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: