IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

In the modern era, there is an increasing trend of individuals relocating from villages to urban
areas
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 in pursuit of better education and employment opportunities.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons behind
this
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 shift and evaluate whether
this
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 decision is ultimately beneficial. One key reason for
this
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migration
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 is the monetization and commercialization of almost every aspect of life. As economic activities have become more centralized in urban
areas
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, young
people
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 are drawn to
cities
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 in search of better income sources.
Furthermore
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, rapid technological development and improved infrastructure have made
cities
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 more accessible than ever before.
For instance
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, smartphones and internet access allow rural residents to discover job openings and educational institutions in
cities
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,
while
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 improved transport networks—
such
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 as highways and trains—make commuting more feasible. These developments have bridged the gap between rural and urban life, encouraging more
people
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 to seek opportunities outside their hometowns. The
migration
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 to
cities
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 brings several notable advantages.
Firstly
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, individuals who move from rural
areas
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 are exposed to
people
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 from diverse backgrounds, which fosters greater tolerance, cultural understanding, and new social connections.
Secondly
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, urban
areas
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 generally offer higher-quality healthcare services, which can significantly improve the well-being of migrants and their families.
In addition
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, better access to education in
cities
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 allows young
people
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 to pursue their academic goals more effectively, ultimately contributing to personal and professional growth.
However
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,
this
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 movement is not without its downsides. One major challenge is the high cost of living in
cities
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, including expensive housing, transportation, and food. Without proper financial planning, these expenses can quickly become overwhelming. Another concern is the emotional and social impact on rural communities—especially the elderly—who may feel isolated or neglected when younger generations move away permanently. In conclusion,
while
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 the
migration
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 from rural
areas
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 to
cities
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 is largely driven by the pursuit of better opportunities, it presents both benefits and challenges. The exposure to diversity, improved services, and enhanced career prospects are undeniable advantages.
However
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, it is important to consider the emotional toll on families left behind and the financial pressures of urban living. To ensure long-term benefits, efforts should be made to balance urban
migration
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 with rural development, so that progress is inclusive and sustainable for all communities.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, particularly regarding the emotional and social impacts on rural communities. For instance, you could elaborate on how these communities are coping with the departure of younger generations.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows well, ensure that each paragraph clearly connects with the previous one to enhance coherence. For example, a transition sentence at the end of one paragraph could help link the discussion about advantages to the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with an effective introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas.
task achievement
You have identified relevant advantages and disadvantages of urban migration, showcasing a strong understanding of the topic and highlighting critical social implications.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
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