Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to hard work when they are young. Why is it so? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In the modern era,
due to
technology changing every moment, it becomes very hard to keep up to date with everyone. So it is vital for students
to work
hard for the future , so they can get their dream jobs after completing school
. I think it is a positive thought because when they finish their high school
studies
and are able to get admission to the best college
they make their lives better. This
topic will discuss why the advantages outweigh on disadvantages if the pupil does intensive work
at their institutions.
The main reason is that if students
do more work
at a younger age they will be able to grasp theoretical topics and utilise those skills later in the practical field. Another factor is that due to
the cutthroat competition in the job market, employers have more choices to choose from, in that case, companies select sophomores who have both practical and theoretical knowledge. For example
, in India to get admission to the best Engineering colleges or Medical institutions, students
need to perform well at their school
levels, so they can crack the entrance test and get entry into the best institutes for higher studies
.
On the other, many people think it is not right to put extra study pressure on them instead
let them enjoy their childhood life. The primary reason is that if a student cannot get admission to a professional college
, he may not get the opportunity to join higher studies
after he finishes school
. Another factor is that those graduates, who have done hard work
in their college
and it becomes a habit of those students
in the future as well, if they get a job which requires more concentration and long working hours, in these situations these candidates perform very well. For example
, to get entry into medical colleges students
need to study for more hours as compared to college
study because it requires dedication and more hours to pass the exams.
In conclusion, following the analysis of both sides, it is clear that
less pressure makes postgraduates easy and stress-free but if they want to achieve a goal, which leads to a better career, they must do extra studies
, to enjoy later luxurious lives. Further
, it is predicted that candidates who have a vision to do something in their lives will continue to push themselves for hard work
.Submitted by rbtech65 on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and sets up your argument well, but try to avoid repeating phrases like 'this topic will discuss.' Instead, get straight to the point and introduce your main arguments succinctly.
task achievement
Some of your points are well-explained, but they could benefit from further elaboration. Particularly, the negative aspects of pressuring students weren’t fully addressed in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
Aim for a more balanced view. For example, while you discuss the positive aspects of working hard, discussing specific stressors and potential mental health issues would give a more rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured, but it would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported with examples, try to integrate these examples more naturally into your arguments. This will make your essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and complexity to make your essay more engaging. This will also help with overall coherence.
general
The introduction and conclusion are both strong and clearly framed.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, which help to substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized and your points are logically developed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.