IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people #museum
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Most of the
Museums
Use synonyms
 has an
entry
Use synonyms
 fee for
people
Use synonyms
 while others do not charge any
money
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.
Although
Linking Words
 charging fees from the visitors restricts the
entry
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 of some
people
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, I believe that the benefits outweigh its drawbacks as charging
money
Use synonyms
 expands the funds of a
nation
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. The key drawback of charging
money
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 from the visitors is that all
people
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 cannot enjoy the
Museum
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 visit.
This
Linking Words
 is to say,
people
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 beyond the poverty line, who struggle even with meeting their fundamental needs
such
Linking Words
 as two-time
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, can never anticipate
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going to the
museum
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 because of its pet fees.
This
Linking Words
 results in making them feel
disadvantage
Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
show examples
 in their community.
For instance
Linking Words
,
science
Add an article
a science
the science
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 in Jalandhar, in India, has been visited by the porch
people
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 only because of its expensive
entry
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 ticket.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that the
money
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 charged by the
museums
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 play a significant role in increasing the economy of a country. The
money
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 accumulated by the government through
museums
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 gradually develops the economy of a
nation
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. The government gaining millions of monetary funds from the
museums
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 leads not only to the financial development of a
nation
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 causes
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of their
people
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. The
money
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 collected through
museums
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result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in myriad endorsement to the higher authorities in providing job vacancies and retirement pensions to the citizens of a country.
For example
Linking Words
,
Indian
Correct article usage
the Indian
show examples
 historical
museum
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 has become the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of attraction for
people
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 all over the world resulting in a major contribution
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Indian economy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe, a suitable
entry
Use synonyms
 fee should be charged by the
museums
Use synonyms
 from their visitors. In conclusion, despite the fact that
museum
Use synonyms
 admission fees can limit some
people
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 to not
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art and history, the
money
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 gained through
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
entry
Use synonyms
 charges play a viable role in
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 development of a
nation
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that is
Linking Words
 far more valuable.
Submitted by kajalsaini454 on

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