IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do you agree that supermarkets are a threat to small shops and local communities?

In recent decades,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 have rapidly expanded, offering a wide range of
products
Use synonyms
 at competitive prices.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 convenience benefits many consumers, I strongly agree that
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 pose a significant threat to small
shops
Use synonyms
 and local
communities
Use synonyms
. They undermine the local economy, erode community character, and often lead to job losses that disproportionately affect vulnerable groups.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 often have the financial power to buy in bulk, enabling them to sell
products
Use synonyms
 at much lower prices than small
shops
Use synonyms
 can manage.
This
Linking Words
 price competition frequently forces small, family-run businesses to shut down, as they simply cannot match the discounts and promotions that
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 offer.
As a result
Linking Words
, local economies suffer when the money that once circulated among small businesses is redirected to large corporations, which often reinvest profits
elsewhere
Linking Words
 rather than in the local community.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the rise of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 threatens the unique character of local
communities
Use synonyms
. Small
shops
Use synonyms
 often reflect the identity and traditions of the area, offering personalized service and
products
Use synonyms
 that cater specifically to local tastes and needs. When
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 take over, they bring standardized
products
Use synonyms
 and services, making
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
show examples
 feel increasingly homogeneous and less distinctive.
This
Linking Words
 shift can weaken the social fabric, as people lose the familiar faces and relationships that make small
shops
Use synonyms
 central to community life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 often employ fewer people per square meter than the collective small
shops
Use synonyms
 they replace.
Additionally
Linking Words
, jobs in
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 tend to be lower-paid and less secure, with fewer opportunities for personal interaction and long-term customer relationships. Small
shops
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, usually hire local staff who know their customers by name, contributing to a sense of belonging and mutual support. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 offer convenience and lower prices, the negative consequences for small
shops
Use synonyms
 and local
communities
Use synonyms
 are undeniable. They drive small businesses out of the market, erode local character, and often reduce the quality of employment opportunities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are indeed a threat to small
shops
Use synonyms
 and the vibrancy of local
communities
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to your topic.
task achievement
Use more specific examples from real life to support your points better.
strength
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets up your argument well.
strength
You provide strong reasons for your viewpoint, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: