IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that good health is essential to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantage of private health care outweigh the advantage?

#people #health #person #services #companies #advantage #care
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Medical
services
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for the
government
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instead
Linking Words
 of profit-making companies since everyone begins to pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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 the
health
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 that good
health
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 is crucial to them. I think the disadvantage of private
health
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 care
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the advantage. For a start, the responsibility of the
government
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 is to invest in medical
services
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, public basic facilities and welfare, which helps
people
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 in
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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. The expenditure on medical
services
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 can
creating
Change the verb form
create
be creating
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 a stable
social
Replace the word
society
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. At that time,
people
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 can do physical examinations regularly and receive
a
Remove the article
apply
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treatment
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a discount when they are ill. The
government
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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 charge of medical
services
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 gives a sense of
belongs
Wrong verb form
belonging
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 and security to
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
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 can make laws to
regulation
Replace the word
regulate
show examples
 the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-profit organizations and deter bad
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing. The
government
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 can manage the forces to ensure all laws are enacted for medical
services
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. The public will have a sense of security and happiness that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fair and fixed spending
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 supported.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if profit-making companies were responsible for medical
services
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, it would cause a problem that
people
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 cannot afford the prices to have a treatment. Even the wealthy can have medical
services
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, but the deprived cannot, which leads to an unstable society. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the
people
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 in need and the rich will all have a sense of unfairness and fear. In conclusion, the responsibility of the
government
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 is to improve the living of the public, which can achieve by investing in medical
services
Use synonyms
. The
government
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better organization
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 profit-making companies to run public
services
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 focus on their
health
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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