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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that good health is essential to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantage of private health care outweigh the advantage?

#people #health #person #services #companies #advantage #care
Medical
services
 should be responsible for the
government
instead
 of profit-making companies since everyone begins to pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the
health
 that good
health
 is crucial to them. I think the disadvantage of private
health
 care
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the advantage. For a start, the responsibility of the
government
 is to invest in medical
services
, public basic facilities and welfare, which helps
people
 in
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
. The expenditure on medical
services
 can
creating
Change the verb form
create
be creating
show examples
 a stable
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. At that time,
people
 can do physical examinations regularly and receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
treatment
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a discount when they are ill. The
government
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 charge of medical
services
 gives a sense of
belongs
Wrong verb form
belonging
show examples
 and security to
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
.
In addition
, the
government
 can make laws to
regulation
Replace the word
regulate
show examples
 the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-profit organizations and deter bad
competitions
Fix the agreement mistake
competition
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing. The
government
 can manage the forces to ensure all laws are enacted for medical
services
. The public will have a sense of security and happiness that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fair and fixed spending
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 supported.
On the other hand
, if profit-making companies were responsible for medical
services
, it would cause a problem that
people
 cannot afford the prices to have a treatment. Even the wealthy can have medical
services
, but the deprived cannot, which leads to an unstable society. In
this
 way, the
people
 in need and the rich will all have a sense of unfairness and fear. In conclusion, the responsibility of the
government
 is to improve the living of the public, which can achieve by investing in medical
services
. The
government
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better organization
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 profit-making companies to run public
services
 as
people
 focus on their
health
.
Submitted by 59213142 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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