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Band 5

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This argue, leads to a more satisfying working life. To what extent do you agree with this view? What other things can people do to try and have a satisfying working life?

#people #career #path #lives #argue #life
It is true that deciding
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
career
 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school is beneficial and stimulates
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
 rate of the candidate.
However
,
this
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 enough for
satisfying
Add an article
a satisfying
show examples
life
,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health is equally paramount in order to maintain a prosperous
life
. I advocate that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there has to be a clear vision and goal without compromising health and well being. It’s commonly seen that some people choose their
career
 prior
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 higher studies so that they can achieve the desired goal.
However
, I might load them with unwanted pressure at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age, but timely decision helps to reach on
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
 goal and
diminishes
Wrong verb form
diminish
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 failure.
Additionally
, solid decision plays
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
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 role in any
career
 precisely in
Correct article usage
the teenage
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teenage
Replace the word
teenagers
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 because
this
 is a critical juncture of
life
. Having clarity about the goal at
early
Add an article
an early
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 stage not only broaden the horizon
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
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 field but
also
 remove hurdles and distractions.
For instance
, great batsman Sachin Tendulkar wanted to become a cricket player since his childhood.
Hence
,
such
 determination helped him to focus and he became
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
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 number one batsman and one of the richest cricketers in the world. To embark with, staying healthy has become one of the major daunting tasks in modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Firstly
, people must fetch some time to take care of their health and well being. In today’s
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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fast-faced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
life
 people have do not have enough time for physical activity and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
which causes hormonal imbalance and might lead them to
unsatisfying
Add an article
an unsatisfying
show examples
life
.
Therefore
, there has to be an hour in a day
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 should be spent with intriguing sports activity, meditation or yoga. In conclusion, I strongly believe that decision at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 stage is significant in
shapeup
Correct your spelling
shape up
show examples
 a
career
.
Besides
 that having a healthy lifestyle is equally imperative for a prosperous
life
.
Submitted by ka261991 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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