IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In recent years many governments has brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?

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Nowadays, in many nations, smoking in public
spaces
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 has been restricted by law.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 step taken by the authorities since smoking among people can cause health hazards and it
also
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 aids in pollution.
To begin
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 with, smoking not only harms the smoker but
also
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 others who inhale the fumes indirectly, as in public areas. It can contaminate open
spaces
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 and suffocate anyone who lives in those
spaces
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. As the primary smokers are already habitual to smoke, their body can tolerate the toxins from cigarettes but the people who are exposed to
such
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 toxins cannot withstand it and
hence
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, suffer from a range of breathing problems and pulmonary diseases.
For instance
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, children of smokers who live in closed
spaces
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 are observed to develop lung diseases like COPD at a very young age despite never smoking first-hand.
Additionally
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, people who smoke openly are
also
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 contributing to all kinds of environmental pollution. The resulting fumes of cigars and cigarettes add to gases which cause air pollution
while
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 the residual cigarette butts are thrown on land and in water polluting both land and water.
Consequently
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, the life forms of water and land, both can be threatened. Legislating the limit of smoking places
,
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apply
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can result in the disposal of
such
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 entities to an apt method.
To conclude
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, smoking in public places can degrade the environment and ultimately, the beings living there.
Due to
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this
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 reason, the national law banning smoking in open places can be beneficial to not just humans but
also
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 animals and the environment. So, in my opinion, banning
such
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 an act should be the right thing to do.

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Grammar and Sentence Structure
Try to vary your sentence structures a bit more. While they are clear, more complex sentences can showcase your command of the language.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to further improve coherence.
Lexical Resource
Instead of repeating phrases, consider using synonyms to avoid redundancy and demonstrate a richer vocabulary.
Task Achievement
You provided clear and relevant examples that supported your main points very well.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and directly address the essay question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Arguments are logical and well-organized, which enhances the readability of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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