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Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compare with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
In
this
 era, young people have contained the majority population of some
countries
. In my opinion, the positive aspects of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
countries
 outweigh the negative aspects.
This
 essay will express
initially
 the demerits and
lastly
 the merits of the issue. On the one hand, some disadvantages are considered in
this
 kind of
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.
Firstly
, the rate of crime in societies that have more young adults than old citizens is higher. Many statistics mentioned that the proportion of committing a crime in communities with more
youth
 is incomparable to those that have fewer
youth
. Because young individuals have more energy to commit a crime.
Secondly
, the younger generation has less life experience and they do not know how to behave in backbreaking circumstances.
Therefore
 they will form a highly stressful society.
On the other hand
, there are a variety of advantages in these communities.
Firstly
, the higher number of
youth
, the more active and happier is the society.
That is
 to say, the proportion of the young descendant plays a key role in the vitality of a society.
Secondly
, healthy people can work more efficiently.
As a result
, they contribute to the economy as well as possible. In fact, the
youth
 making money
instead
 of spending and
this
 matter is absolutely invaluable.
Thirdly
, the
countries
 which have more
youth
, have more chances to have outstanding sports professionals. These
countries
 have not only a healthier population but
also
 more athletes who can achieve a wide range of accomplishments. To sum up, the societies with more
youth
 are more rich, delighted, and successful
although
 they encounter more disobey of law and anxiety.
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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