IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The only reason people work hard is to earn more money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #work #money
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Nowadays, in the materialistic society where we live people tend to
work
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 as hard as they can only to outstanding a superficial life
buying
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by buying
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 goods. Some people believe that their main and only reason to
work
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 is to earn money. As far as I am concerned, individuals have other motivations to gain in their professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 rather than money.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons why I extremely believe people have other reasons to go for
work
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besides
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financially
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financial
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 gain.
Firstly
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, workers worldwide will have higher
up
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apply
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aspirations rather than remuneration,
such
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 as esteem and self-actualization. Once someone goes to university, the desire of achievement in
finding
Wrong verb form
find
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 a good job,
being
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be
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 promoted and
having
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have
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 their
hard-
Correct your spelling
hard work
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work
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 rewarded is
also
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 part of any person’s aspiration.
Maslow
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Maslow's
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 Hierarchy of Needs illustrates that employment represented by financial security comes as “Safety needs”,
while
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 psychological and self-fulfilment needs will be
the
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at the
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 top
in
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of
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 the pyramid representing all the prestige, feeling of accomplishment and achieving full potential.
Therefore
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, human beings have a vast range of necessities rather than the safety-needs.
In addition
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, despite the psychological approach, another factor can be
also
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 spiritual. Spiritual needs are defined as needs and expectations which humans have to find meaning, purpose, and value in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
such
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 needs can be
also
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 applied in their workplace. One remarkable example is Mother Theresa, who remains known in history as someone who is selfless,
as a result
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 of committing her time and effort towards helping the less fortunate.
Thus
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,
this
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 makes it impossible to justify the fact that people’s only reason for hard
work
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 is no other than financial.
To conclude
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, from the arguments presented above, it is inconceivable to believe that financial remuneration is
that
Correct word choice
what
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driven
Wrong verb form
drives
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 them to
work
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.
Although
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 monetary aspiration is a vital factor worker would consider their career aspirations,
spiritual
Correct word choice
and spiritual
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 beliefs and will
also
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 be a reason for them to pursue a job.
Submitted by robertanvieira on

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task response
Address the essay prompt directly and provide a clear stance on the issue. Also, ensure that all aspects of the task are covered in the essay to improve task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more structured and cohesive development of ideas. Use clear transitions and cohesive devices to link different parts of the essay.
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