IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The only reason people work hard is to earn more money. There are no other reasons to do it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #work #money
Nowadays, in the materialistic society where we live people tend to
work
 as hard as they can only to outstanding a superficial life
buying
Change preposition
by buying
show examples
 goods. Some people believe that their main and only reason to
work
 is to earn money. As far as I am concerned, individuals have other motivations to gain in their professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 rather than money.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons why I extremely believe people have other reasons to go for
work
besides
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
 gain.
Firstly
, workers worldwide will have higher
up
Change preposition
apply
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aspirations rather than remuneration,
such
 as esteem and self-actualization. Once someone goes to university, the desire of achievement in
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 a good job,
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 promoted and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 their
hard-
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
work
 rewarded is
also
 part of any person’s aspiration.
Maslow
Change noun form
Maslow's
show examples
 Hierarchy of Needs illustrates that employment represented by financial security comes as “Safety needs”,
while
 psychological and self-fulfilment needs will be
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the pyramid representing all the prestige, feeling of accomplishment and achieving full potential.
Therefore
, human beings have a vast range of necessities rather than the safety-needs.
In addition
, despite the psychological approach, another factor can be
also
 spiritual. Spiritual needs are defined as needs and expectations which humans have to find meaning, purpose, and value in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
such
 needs can be
also
 applied in their workplace. One remarkable example is Mother Theresa, who remains known in history as someone who is selfless,
as a result
 of committing her time and effort towards helping the less fortunate.
Thus
,
this
 makes it impossible to justify the fact that people’s only reason for hard
work
 is no other than financial.
To conclude
, from the arguments presented above, it is inconceivable to believe that financial remuneration is
that
Correct word choice
what
show examples
driven
Wrong verb form
drives
show examples
 them to
work
.
Although
 monetary aspiration is a vital factor worker would consider their career aspirations,
spiritual
Correct word choice
and spiritual
show examples
 beliefs and will
also
 be a reason for them to pursue a job.
Submitted by robertanvieira on

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task response
Address the essay prompt directly and provide a clear stance on the issue. Also, ensure that all aspects of the task are covered in the essay to improve task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
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