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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance?

People
Use synonyms
 today regards
balance
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 between
work
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 and life as one of the most important issues in
lifetime
Correct pronoun usage
their lifetime
show examples
. The main problem for most
people
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 is that
work
Use synonyms
 takes up too much
time
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 and causes mental health issues and the best way to achieve
this
Linking Words
balance
Use synonyms
 is to
work
Use synonyms
 more efficiently. The primary issues associated with
work
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-life
balance
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 are that many
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
overworked
Add a missing verb
been overworked
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 decades and it easily has caused lots of mental
problems
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. Since the
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
 IMF financial crisis in 1997, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 had difficulties in working and some lost their jobs
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
,unfortunately
show examples
, which made the job market enormously competitive.
This
Linking Words
 means that the number of unemployed
people
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased and job openings have disappeared, so job seekers today usually fail. Even if they find
work
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, overtime increases and it
is absolutely connects
Change the verb form
is absolutely connected
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 with not enough private
time
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is hard to deny that
people
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 live together with chronic fatigue, sleeping
problems
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, self-esteem
problems
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, and so on.
That is
Linking Words
 why there has been a sharp rise in cases
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are looking for psychiatrists. The best way to achieve a better
balance
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 is making efforts to
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently as much as possible and secure enough personal
time
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. The current working environment will not change simply, so working
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
efficiently is a more pragmatic solution for individuals.
For instance
Linking Words
,
smart-devices
Correct your spelling
smart devices
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 like tablets and smartphones allow
people
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 to get a lot of
work
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 done in what
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 previously wasted hours in the past. You can send business
mails
Correct your spelling
emails
show examples
, online meetings, and even
work
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 out of home by using them which reduces
time
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 to commute and choose the proper outfits,
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why I believe it's better to mix non-face-to-face and face-to-face tasks today. In conclusion,
people
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 usually have mental
problems
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 with working long hours, so eagerly pursue the well balanced
work
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-life
time
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. There will be more
people
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 who want to
work
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 efficiently, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they will be able to enjoy some private
time
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. By doing so, you can enjoy a human life,
such
Linking Words
 as having an interesting hobby with your
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 person.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • stress management
  • personal fulfillment
  • workplace demands
  • tech-savvy
  • disconnect
  • boundaries
  • prioritization
  • time management
  • mental well-being
  • societal pressures
  • flexible working hours
  • job satisfaction
  • self-care
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