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Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenagers and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #society
Many
people
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent should do charity
work
 for the
communites
Correct your spelling
communities
community
 while they are free, as they think
this
 might be the
advanstage
Correct your spelling
advantage
advantages
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager and our society. I strongly agree that teenagers should learn to do some unpaid
work
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 free time because by doing
this
 activity could
biuld
Correct your spelling
build
 their ability,
also
mighty
Replace the word
may
show examples
 make them understand the
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 is very important in
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 future. In our community, it has a lot of
enderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
energy
people
 and homeless
people
 are needs to get help from others.
For example
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old person to live alone and they need to have someone to help them mow the lawn, which they cannot effort to pay the gardener.
Therefore
, if
a
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apply
show examples
young
people
 could help them to do
this
 job for free,
this
 would make them feel happy and live in a safe place, as
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 in Australia it has lots of
snake
Change to a plural noun
snakes
show examples
. Another example, some homeless
people
hopping
Correct your spelling
hoping
show examples
 to get a meal from the donation centre,
however
,
this
 department
are need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
people
 to help them to prepare food for the homeless
people
, so if the adolescent could do
this
 job for them, it would be very helpful for the charity centre and the homeless
people
.
Moreover
,
parents
 should teach their kids to be
a
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apply
show examples
positive
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 which
this
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apply
show examples
could build up
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 ability and strong responsibility for
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 future life.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think teenagers should spend more time
to study
Change the verb form
studying
show examples
, which the
parents
 believe to have a higher education
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have a bright future.
As a result
,
parents
 always ensure
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a good job and live better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they are graduate from
the
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apply
show examples
University. So, they rather
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
daugter
Correct your spelling
daughter
 or son are only
comcentrate
Correct your spelling
concentrate
concentrated
 of study,
instead
 of doing any unpaid
work
. As they believe after the young adult
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a good occupation, they can donate money to the community group. In conclusion, I believe teenagers should do charity
work
 when they are young, which
this
 could make them understand in our society it has lots of
people
 need to get help from others,
also
 it might let them understand when they
parents
 are getting old they would need more care from
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 kids.
Submitted by junechan822 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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