IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree (or) disagree?

Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 facing
major
Add an article
a major
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problem
Use synonyms
 of
weight
Use synonyms
 gaining. Few
people
Use synonyms
 believe
that
Change the determiner
that food item
those food items
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food
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items
Use synonyms
 that cause
an
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apply
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obesity
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, if sell them at
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 cost can resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue. I firmly believe that
,
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apply
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by
Change preposition
apply
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selling
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
food
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expensive
Add a missing verb
is expensive
show examples
 can solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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 to some extent. Today,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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strugling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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weight
Use synonyms
 gain. And WHO gives
an
Change the article
a
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 report that the in the future majority of the
people
Use synonyms
 will have the
obesity
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. They introduced many programmes related to
weight
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 gaining
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 to overcome form
this
Linking Words
. The
first
Linking Words
 and foremost reason for
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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 is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 are having. Now we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the quality and range of the foods in the
obesity
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
. The
food
Use synonyms
items
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 that
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 the
weight
Use synonyms
 gain should sell at
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 cost and vegetables and
fruits
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
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 low cost.
Then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 usually prefer to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vegetables and
fruits
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. If they consume healthy
items
Use synonyms
 automatically they will lead
Change preposition
to the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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good and healthy
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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. But, in
real
Replace the word
reality
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 it is adjacent,
such
Linking Words
 that the foods that can increase
weight
Use synonyms
 and fat in
human
Add an article
the human
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 body are selling at very cheap rates and easily available everywhere and it is easy to carry
also
Linking Words
. So, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
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junk
food
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 only. At the same time
fruits
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, dry
fruits
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 and vegetables which are healthy had
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 expensive and
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are avoiding it to having them. By increasing the price of
food
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items
Use synonyms
 that leads to overweight is not only the major reason. We need to take care of our diet and should give preference to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daily exercise.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 government should implement some instructions on the
food
Use synonyms
 industries which prepares junk
food
Use synonyms
 and should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to lead
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life. To conclude
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
food
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items
Use synonyms
 that give rise to
obesity
Use synonyms
 should be expensive and healthy
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 should
get
Add a missing verb
be get
show examples
 at cheap rates. And it is an individual responsibility to have the controlled
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their consumption and should follow a good diet with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consistency.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
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