Instructions Read the question below and write an opinion essay. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the past few decades, important persons are more popular for their allure and rich rather than for their attainments, and

this

makes not a good example to the young generation.

However

, I agree that, as they can’t famous for their quality because humans are used to seeing their different types of the styling of the personality and which kind of things or accessories are used who is having well money.

Firstly

, like many people watching that, how they can make grooming themselves like wearing a short dress, a variety of hairstyles, according to their personality.

Although

, it would create a necessity for to youngsters must follow these activities.

For instance

, more teenagers try to copy their images, but sometimes it is not perfectly matched with themselves, because they can lose their own individuality.

Secondly

, as more celebrities, they can use more different varieties of objects like higher cost communicated devices, facial creams, and heavier cosmetics who are having more money.

However

, as middle-class young children are

also

thinking of using those products, but their parents are not ready to

afford

Correct pronoun usage

themafford

show examples

For example

, due to that, even more, those teenagers are not concentrating on their academics because day-to-day life as all social media projects to increase their productivity. In conclusion, I believe that popular persons are famous for their wearing sense of dressing like a mini skirt, lower neck dresses and so on. And

also

the capability of using a variety of products due to

that is

has made a bad example to the young generation.

Submitted by Bhavani Viswanathan on Wed Dec 29 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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In many countries, young children are looked after by other people while parents go out to work. Is it a good thing or a bad thing?