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Band 6.5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
In recent years, major
people
 confess that they feel insecure wherever they are.
This
 article will discuss two main reasons for
this
 feeling and point out potential solutions to tackle
this
problem
.
To begin
 with, the surge in crime rate due to unemployment is obviously the main cause of
people
’s anxiety when they are out.
That is
people
 are likely to tread on the wrong path whenever they cannot make ends meet.
Hence
, they get involved in crimes,
such
 as theft or robbery.
Consequently
,
people
 will raise their vigilance and always be in a sense of insecurity. To tackle
this
problem
, the government should generate more employment opportunities. By doing so, underprivileged
people
 can have jobs and the government can narrow down the gap between rich and poor
people
.
Therefore
, the crime rate would decrease and
people
 can feel safe whenever they are out.
In addition
, the main reason for
people
’s insecurities when they are at home is domestic
violence
. Intensive stress from financial problems might be one of the reasons for domestic
violence
.
People
 are more likely to take the stress out on their household
members
 because nobody is available to catch up with them.
Therefore
, they tend to use
violence
 to take the stress out and just to feel more comfortable.
However
, that comfortable feeling definitely makes other family
members
 anxious. The solution to
this
problem
 involves authorities promoting educational campaigns about domestic
violence
. With a higher level of awareness about their own actions,
people
 will be likely to stop attacking their household
members
.
Hence
, others family
members
 can sense safe when they are at home. In conclusion, unemployment and domestic
violence
 are two main reasons for
people
’s insecurity. To tackle the
problem
, the government should generate employment opportunities and raise awareness.
Submitted by nhilm.lymannhi on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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