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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine.Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Seasonal changes always bring new diseases and health problems to every country in the world. In view of
this
, Some
people
 suggest that government should fund the prevention of health problems and illness
instead
 of treatment and medicine. In my perspective,
although
 precaution is important, afterwards medical treatments are
also
 essential.
Firstly
, the government should invest higher funds to maintain the cleanliness of a country.
This
 approach will lead to
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of infectious virus outbreaks which is often caused by poor hygiene of the place. To illustrate more, a recent report published by
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 health organization states
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of deadly virus outbreaks are the cause of an unhealthy environment.
Secondly
, the authorities should invest more money in medical research to protect humans from any arising epidemic. Scientists can find the root cause of any disease to end it before, it's become a deadly epidemic
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 apparently would cost billions of
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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 expenses to save human lives.
For example
,
although
 many governments spend a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 capital funds to treat
people
 from cancer illness,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it is increasing day by day. By making
people
 aware
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of cancer can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number
cancer
Change preposition
of cancer
show examples
 cases. To sum up, It is proven by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
science that many diseases are preventable. So government should invest more money
ensure
Fix the infinitive
to ensure
show examples
 preventable measures to protect
people
 from getting ill.
Submitted by Raven on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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