One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

People
have different views about the improvement in medical care, which leads to
people
are living longer and
life
expectancy
is increasing. In my opinion, I believe that advantages outweigh disadvantages. On the one hand, there are several benefits when
people
’s
life
is longer.
Firstly
, longer
life
expectancy
gives
people
more chances to serve their country for a long period and contribute their talent for the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
. Many professionals like teachers,
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
, researchers, mathematicians, writers and so on can contribute more to their
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
and older ages.
Secondly
, the longer
life
expectancy
will let the grandparents spend more time with their grandsons and granddaughters. They will teach them about values and traditions. The new generation will
also
learn the past history which is important for
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
of the country.
On the other hand
, there is a drawback
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
statement.
That is
out of resources. Many countries are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
starvation and poverty as food production is not enough to feed
people
around the world, when
people
live longer, there will be more
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
not
accept
Change the form of the verb
accepted
show examples
to retire at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age.
This
will lead to unemployment for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation. Many young
people
will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
to get a job because old
people
will hold these positions. In conclusion, I believe that longer
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
lifer
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
expectancy
has more advantages than disadvantages.
Life
is very important and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should invest more money in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
care system in any way possible. To
people
live longer and contribute to their family and country for as long as possible.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: