IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have different views about the improvement in medical care, which leads to
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer and
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 is increasing. In my opinion, I believe that advantages outweigh disadvantages. On the one hand, there are several benefits when
people
Use synonyms
’s
life
Use synonyms
 is longer.
Firstly
Linking Words
, longer
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
 more chances to serve their country for a long period and contribute their talent for the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
. Many professionals like teachers,
politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
show examples
, researchers, mathematicians, writers and so on can contribute more to their
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
 and older ages.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the longer
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 will let the grandparents spend more time with their grandsons and granddaughters. They will teach them about values and traditions. The new generation will
also
Linking Words
 learn the past history which is important for
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
 of the country.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a drawback
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement.
That is
Linking Words
 out of resources. Many countries are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
starvation and poverty as food production is not enough to feed
people
Use synonyms
 around the world, when
people
Use synonyms
 live longer, there will be more
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 not
accept
Change the form of the verb
accepted
show examples
 to retire at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age.
This
Linking Words
 will lead to unemployment for
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. Many young
people
Use synonyms
 will not
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to get a job because old
people
Use synonyms
 will hold these positions. In conclusion, I believe that longer
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
lifer
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
expectancy
Use synonyms
 has more advantages than disadvantages.
Life
Use synonyms
 is very important and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should invest more money in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 care system in any way possible. To
people
Use synonyms
 live longer and contribute to their family and country for as long as possible.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: