IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a common view that more concentration on the reduction of
pollution
Use synonyms
 in the environment and issues relating to houses will be able to offer prevention of illness and disease for inhabitants.
This
Linking Words
 essay personally agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as
pollution
Use synonyms
 does play an essential role in the sickness of humans because of the increase in harmful chemicals. Turning to the main ideas of the impact of
pollution
Use synonyms
 on human health, it can be observed that these issues will absolutely change the existing chemicals in the air in their worst light.
Pollution
Use synonyms
 air,
for example
Linking Words
, has provided the atmosphere with a lot of gases like methane, which can create climate change, which will have a disadvantage for the human body.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 from cigarettes can increase the incidence of lung cancer, so authorities should concentrate more on the environment in their local area. Take Vietnam as an example for
this
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 statement, as there has been an increase in the number of factories in
this
Linking Words
 nation, which has helped them to improve their economy but
also
Linking Words
 devastated the lives of the inhabitants because of the larger amount of commercial smoke. Another point that can be taken into consideration is that most medicines are made by using materials that come from nature, so if that particular place is harmed, we can lack sources to cure illness. To explain, polluted water has reduced all the useful vitamins and minerals to harmful substances, which can obviously prevent the growth of trees.
Consequently
Linking Words
, we will be able to deal with the lack of chemical treatments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, medicines will be exhausted as there are no usable sources in nature. Taking every point into conclusion, it must be provided that inhabitants will tackle the harmful effects that pollute nature because they will no longer have enough medicines and will face an increasing number of diseases.

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structure
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will make your argument structure clearer to the reader.
linking words
To enhance the cohesion of your essay, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
argument support
Be cautious with generalisation without evidence. Try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments, even if hypothetical, to strengthen your claims.
language use
Keep working on refining your grammar and vocabulary. While small inaccuracies don’t greatly impact your score, greater precision and variety in language use can elevate your writing.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a clear stance in agreement with the given statement. This strong position helps guide your discussion throughout.
conclusion
You effectively conclude your essay, tying back to the main argument and summarizing the key points discussed. This strengthens the overall cohesiveness and impact of your response.
examples
The use of specific examples, like the situation in Vietnam, significantly contributes to the strength of your argument. It illustrates the real-world implications of the issues discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental pollution
  • Public health
  • Respiratory diseases
  • Cardiovascular conditions
  • Infectious diseases
  • Mental health problems
  • Government intervention
  • Industrial emissions
  • Clean energy sources
  • Public housing policies
  • Safe and affordable housing
  • Environmental hazards
  • Green public spaces
  • Community well-being
  • Physical inactivity
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